THE PROTECTOR
by HobbitLover88
Summary: Kili was taken by Orcs. From a family, which he couldn't call a real one. Along the way many things have happened. Colonists know a lot. But 'a lot' is just a mere piece of what had actually happened. Led by many coincidences, Durins' family meet again.
1. Chapter 1

THE PROTECTOR

Therotically everything started when he was kidnapped by Orcs, but it actually started when he was born. A small kid grew and grew until he became a really tall, beardless dwarfling. Kili was playing with his wooden sword next to his house in Blue Mountains. His friend Kerli has just left, but Kili wanted to practise a litte longer. He stopped and glanced to his left, where, quite far away from him, his uncle Thorin was practising with his older brother Fili. Fili was an heir to the throne, if they ever reclaim Erebor, so Thorin always paid more attention to his skills and behaviour, at least till few weeks later.

 _ **...14 YEARS AGO...**_

 _'Kili! Where are you?' shouted Thorin._

 _'What I did wrong today, huh?' thought Kili, but never dared to say that aloud, the only thing he said was 'In my rooom!'._

 _Thorin opened the door and looked around; no Fili. Satisfied, he came in._

 _'So, your sword skills still haven't gotten better, have they?' There was that sarcastic tune in it, which Kili hated._

 _'I think they did.. But I'm much better with bow.' Kili tried to stay calm._

 _'BOWS ARE FOR ELVES, YOU IDIOT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT?!' Thorin lost his temper really quickly this time, he was shouting like crazy, he scolded Kili like he was 20 years old, even though Kili was about to turn adult in 2 years. Now he knew what's coming and, truthfully, he knew he's not gonna react to it, although he kept promising himself that next time he will at least block it. After that thought, he got really dizzy. He opened his eyes and saw heavily breathing Thorin standing above him, fist covered in blood._

 _'Pathetic' murmured Thorin as he left the room._

 _Kili was still lying on the floor, unable to move. He didn't even feel it this time.. Mahal, why is he lying to himself? Of course he did. He thought he can get used to this, but as Thorin kept repeating 'pathetic, shameful, dishonor' he fell apart. He couldn't punch him back, that would be even worse that taking the beating, but how on Earth is he supposed to live with someone, who keeps doing it? First, Thorin was reasoning this punishment, but as time passed Kili noticed, that his uncle really enjoyed it, after a stressful day he had his boxing sack. Kili lost all of his confidence and became quieter. He never told anobody about that, he couldn't imagine all the shame he would feel then._

 **...NOW…**

Kili woke up. This bloody nightmares could end, they definetely weren't up lifting. He looked around tent at his companions.

'Kili, for how long are you about to sleep, eh?' asked Bogien. Bogien was his friend for the longest, they spent together four years in Orcs' dungeons. After their escape, they run into a group of six dwarves, who were either lost or escaped from Orcs as well. Only three of them lasted and were venturing with Kili and Bongin, that is: Alsatir, Falamhir, Floin. Falamhir was the oldest of them, while Bongin and Kili were the youngest of the group. At first the eldest was their leader, but under many circumstances Kili was chosen. Some would ask, why didn't they come back home? None of them wanted. They created some kind of a rebellious group of dwarves. They found a huge, broken ship, somehow crashed into a tree. With a lot of time and effort they created a colony, where sometimes they gave shelter to those who were lost in the woods. After two years, people from a humans' kingdom called Rahan got interested in their settlement. Rahan was few miles away from The 5's colony...

… ** _ONE YEAR AGO…_**

 _'Open up, those who live here! We're coming in peace! King of Rahan, Theodin, wants to speak to your leader!' shouted one of Rahan's knights._

 _The gate was opened and Riders of Rahan with their king entered. View was somehow breath – taking, probalby because only five dwarves manged to create a little colony, using wood and and old ship wreck. There were few houses, wells and a stable._

 _After introductions were done, The 5 and king of Rahan talked about their future as allies._

' _My dear fellows, I really appreciate all the kindness from you, but let's get to the point. Maybe one more question before that.. You said, that it's all been bulid by you, so, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for five dwarves to raise up a village?' King was absolutely amazed at craft and hard work company showed._

' _We had a little help, from those who stopped by.' Kili was careful with his word, for he wasn't sure about king's intentions._

' _How so?'_

' _You see, King Theodin, people get lost here and there, now and then, and so they need help, that's where we showed up and offerred shelter, rest and food for help in building up our colony.' Kili spoke in monotony, but it didn't seem to bother Theodin._

' _Well, I think I'll move to the point. We want an alliance between us. You give my army shelter from time to time, and we can assure you protection, supplies..' Theodin casted a glance at Kili whose face was an unreadable mask._

' _I don't think that's why youre here. Since I told you about people passing and stopping by I noticed you changed your plans. It was written all over your face. Do you need people for your army?' that surprised not only Theodin but also Kill's companions. How did he know? Well, Kili, after all this years, managed to become quite observant. He saw that glimpse in Theodin's eyes at the mention of possible help of more than five dwarves, he probably expected more of them here in the first place. Besides, lack of people in his colony sometimnes really bothered him too. After all, the more people they have, the quicker and easier the work becomes._

' _I think I underrated you, Master Dwarf.' Theodin now showed with everything he had how his respect toward the dwarves rose._

' _I think we can have an agreement here..' Kili already formed a plan in his head._

Since that time Rahan and Dwarves colony are strong allies. Kili's plan was to maginfy everything in their Colony, which also became the name for their settlement. Again, their focus was on gaining more and more dwarves rather than naming place where they live. Now, year from the beginning of an alliance, Colony consists of 24 dwarves of different age, all of them are males, for they didn't want to risk any females' or dwarflings' lives. And as their leader – Kili.

Meanwhile, in Blue Mountains was formed a company of twelve dwarves, joined by a hobbit called Bilbo Baggins and a wizard known as Gandalf the Grey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, everybody! I haven't updated this ff in long time but now I'm back on track. And lot more ideas are rushing through my head so prepare yourselves! Also, I changed some bits in Chapter 1, mostly years, because I decided to shift some things in the timeline, so make sure you update your info from Ch1 before reading this one! Reviews and follows are welcomed. I'd like to know what you think of this idea, relations between our characters etc.**

THE PROTECTOR

 ** _...NOW…_**

'Kili, for how long are you about to sleep, eh?' asked Bogien.

'It's a rare thing for you to be awake first' Kili rubbed his eyes and stretched a bit.

'Oh look, someone has forgotten that I was on guard tonight! You can't just simply ignore that fact and laugh at me!'

'I would say go cry to your mama but I know you'd rather cry into some ladies dress'

'Kili, I think you just reached top of the of Bongin's patience' said Floin with a smirk. He loved those Kili-Bongin fights, at least then they were called idiots and were given some tiring job insted of him. Floin enjoyed seeing people irritated by his jokes, so he tried his best in doing them. He will never forget old Falamhir's face when he placed his feet into boots filled with butter, slipped and fell off the stairs right before crushing into their smith Methir who, unfortunatelly for both of them, was carring a hot sword which needed cooling. Methir still has a nice scar on his left leg and Floin will never get rid of his badge made with Methir's poker on his forearm.

'Well, he has to wait for kicking my ass, we don't have time for it. Sorry, buddy.' Kili smiled at Bongin with all kindness he colud. That oversweetened smile made his friend snarl but they all knew he was mollified. Easy to annoy but just as easy to calm down, especially by his friends.

'Fellows, I hope you slept well.' Alsatir stared at Bongin but quickly looked away at Kili and Floin when noticed that he was already irritated by the two. 'Kili, don't you think it's best for us to leave soon?'

'Yes, but first let's grab some food. It's going to be another long day'

'Actually, Falamhir is nearly done with cooking breakfast, so we can leave in no time.'

'What? Does he even sleep? I thought that as the oldest of us he will also sleep for the longest since he is, you know.. Old.' Floin looked puzzled.

'Ehh, you always worry about least worrying stuff' Alsatir sighed. He liked that funny fool, but he was acting so childlishly nearly all the time…

'Leave him, Alsatir. There's always a need of a person who will worry about such things, so that we can worry about those that actually are worth it' Floin send Kili an upset yet thankful look. After all, he saved him from Smarty's lecture.

'You may be right.' He really seemed intrigued by Kili's words and left the tent moments later.

Kili, Bongin and Floin left right behind him. They camped on a nice and quiet clearing about 4 miles away from Colony.

… _ **A WEEK AGO…**_

 _Some news crept into their settlement. A group of bards who stopped by in Colony to sleep and eat told story of Goblins wandering nearby. It worried Kili, he didn't need any troubles from them, especially now, when Colony really grew. Over the past year, after forging the alliance with King Theodin, place evolved. It got bigger, there are two taverns, more staddles, rooms to rent, they even have their small army but it still grows and more people want to join it, they train hard but also work as regulars. So when Colonists have guests who are interesting or have something new to say, they surround them and open their ears widely. Of course, their leader Kili is not an exepction for they all treat each other equally and in spite of him being treated with most respect, he's still considered as a friend. So, when those bards arrived and declared having some important news, Colonists, who had time, gathered around and listened. Musicians liked Colony, it wasn't their first visit here, so they wanted to warn their leader about those Goblins._

' _What are you gonna do about it, Kili? You were quiet on that matter.' Kili summoned his most trusted friends: Bongin, Alsatir, Floin and Falamhir. He lived alone in leader's house, where took place all meetings, trials, negotiations and things like that. All of these matters had their separate rooms on the bottom floor. Kili lived on the top floor and invinted his friends there, so that they will have a better atmosphere while talking about that Goblin issue._

' _I wonder what their aim is.' said Kili, resting chin on his palms. 'They can either be looking for something, maybe our colony or just hunting. Some groups like that has already been here and there, they were no danger to us.'_

' _So, we leave them be?' asked Bongin. He was good at fighting, little bit worse when it came to strategy or understanding the enemy._

' _That may cause us even more troubles than checking on them.' said Falamhir 'Think of it. They may be preparing for a battle. You heard what those man few days ago said: 'Greedy eyes are starting to look at your colony'. That might be what he ment. Maybe he heard about Goblins' plans to invade us?'_

' _You always think of the most pessimistic scenarios, my friend'_

' _You, on the other hand, always seek common sense in others' actions but remember it's rarely Goblins thing, Alsatir'_

' _I say we go check on them.' Kili stared at his friends, trying to follow both ways of thinking and finding a solution 'You are right Falahir, Goblins don't usually bother with common sense or any reasons to do something but money and power. And that is what worries me the most..' Kili cut off and got lost in his own thoughts, allowing other to consider Goblins' nauture as well._

' _Who you wanna send, bud?'_

' _Seems like Bongin has already made up his mind on that matter.' Kili thought and smiled to himself._

' _Excatly, it has got to be some qualified warriors, so we can send a small group not to take to many people away from Colony..' Kili was already considering few groups in his head, but.._

' _How about us?' he looked around at his friends as they casted him questioning glances 'It's been some time sice we left Colony. Now, sitiation in here is calm and setteled, these people proved themselves worthy and loyal. Also..' they noted a spark glint in his eyes 'we will make sure about their quality as citiznes, workers, warriors and friends. Apart from them.. I just want to have some fun.' Kili smiled._

' _You.. You will never change, right?' Falamhir tried to look unimpressed but smile crawled onto his face at the memory of their adventures in the past._

' _I say we go as soon as possible! Mahal, I've been waiting for some thrill of emotion!' Bongin was excited to break through the routine of his present life. Not that he didn't like living in Colony, he just missed a little bit of wandering like wolf with a pack of friends. He knew Kili missed it too but was overloaded with work and just being a leader. Apparently, even that couldn't stop him from taking some time out. Mahal, he liked that bastard._

' _I guess it will be nice to go back to those times.. But you have your responsibilities as a leader, Kili'_

' _Always resonable Alsatir is back!' Floin sarcassticly declared._

' _It will be a good test for Colony. Besides, I trust in people, especially my people.' Kili stated firlmy._

' _What do you mean by 'good test for Colony'? ' asked Alsatir._

' _If I ever get lost, killed or anything like that they will have to carry on, on their own. We will see how it will go and decide if there's anything we have to work on, such as organisation, agreement or their nature. After all, we are all people, we have our flaws we need to work on. That 'test' will clarify everyting I've been wondering about past few weeks. So, what do you say?'_

' _Firstly, I say we've chosen our leader well' Falamhir bowed his head slightly towards Kili, which he returned 'And secondly.. Let's have some fun outside.'_

' _Wooho, even grandpa Falamhir is craving some thrill!' shouted satisfied Floin._

' _Then it's decided' Kili smirked 'Let's go kick some Goblin asses!'_

… _ **NOW….**_

After having a quick breakfast, the group set off again. They rode slowly on their horses, enjoying some time out. Two hours passed and..

'Give it back, scum!'

They swirled around only to find a pack of Goblins, approximately 30, fighting over horse meat, standing next to dead corpses of some human merchants.

'Those beasts!' hissed Bongin.

Unfortunately, even though they were hiding in bushes, some more Goblins were comming at them from behind. Now, they were surrounded and unaware of it.

'What do we..' Alastir cut off, when he got hit by a short arrow. Kili took a quick look a it..

'It's some kind of incapaciate po..' Kili was shot as well.

'Come here, you filthy monsters, I'll rip yo…' and now Bongin was out, too.

Falamhir casted a glance at Floin, to tell him to run, only to see him already lying on the ground.

Seconds later, he blacked out.

… _ **FOUR HOURS LATER…**_

Kili woke up with a groan. He still felt vey dizzy and had clouded vision. When he was trying to memorize what happened, he was pinched on his arm.

'And again, you've slept for the longest!' said Bongin with a smirk but not as happy as usually. Kili wondered why and then he remebered. Of course, they were captured by Goblins.

'Tsk, what a way to be captured by beasts like them…' grumbled Kili.

'Damn right, Kili.' answered just as optimistic Floin.

'Kili?'

Kili looked around their cell to find the source of the voice which apparently seemed suprised to hear his name. And then he found them.. Tweleve dwarves sitting in the corner. But who did this voice belong to? He couldn't place it.

'Kili.. Long time no see, brother.' said a calm voice filled with cheer as its owner rose to his feet and came closer.

Kili's eyes widened. 'Fili?'

'Yes, it's me, brother' Tears started to water Fili's eyes and he didn't hide them. That ment he wasn't ashamed of them, further more he didn't bother showing his emotions in front of the rest of his and Kili's companions. He moved closer and reached for Kili but younger brother took a step back.

'What do you want?' Colonists don't usually hear that tone. It's the coldest of the coldest. The most distanced voice. For those their leader has no friendly intenions. For those their friend don't trust. But didn't he just call him 'brother'? Why would Kili be like that towards his brother? And since when Kili _has_ a brother?

'Kili, is he really your brother?' calmly asked Alastir.

'I wouldn't say so.' Kili stated.

Fili froze, just as ten of his companions. One of them came closer and finally showed himself in full light.

'And what is that supposed to mean? You have so little honour left that you dare to disown your own brother?'

'Well, well. Thorin Oakenshield's keen eyes always see through everybody, right? Look, buds, this is Thorin Oakenshield in his full glory. He will tell you everything about honour.' Kili dramaticlly bowed at him.

Tension was ubearable. The rest od Thorin's company decided to show themselves as well.

'Kili, don't you think you're acting a little bit to harsh?' Balin tried to send him a message saying 'don't talk like that to Thorin or it will end badly'.

Kili looked at him, torn. He had mixed feelings about all of them, after hearing some.. gossips about a certain prince…

' What? You have nothing more to say? You should explain yourself. Do not forget you are talking to the King and first heir to the throne, Prince Fili.' said Thorin proudly.' Bofur looked at Balin with worry and sadness. They knew the destruction was done years ago and they only added more to it over the years. They knew nothing of present Kili but he was definitely different. His sarcasstic utterence was controlled and well-aimed. Until Thorin's last words he was stingy but calm. Though now, Mahal only knows how he would react. All eyes turned to Kili.

That was definetly a provocation. Kili knew it. He was considering his options. On the one hand, he can remain calm and don't answer but Oakenshield might say too much and start attacking him in a way he would rather avoid. On the other hand, he wasn't the same. He wanted to react. He wanted to sting him. He wanted to add oli to this fire. Fire which burned for years and still had just as big flames as back then. It's decided. He won't lose himself but he won't let Oakenshield offend him. Those days are long gone.

'First, get the mountain back. It's stupid to call yourself a king without having a kingdom to rule, don't you think? Moreover, how come a king abandoned his people in order to venture a little with his loyal company?'

'This quest is to get Erebor back, Kili.' explained Balin.

'Get back… Erebor? You really are stupid…'

It was quick. Thorin found himself in front of Kili in mere seconds and aimed his fist straight into his face.

'I didn't raise you that way. Maybe it was for the best that you left us years ago.' Kili looked as if someone lit fire in his eyes. He caught Thorin's fist right in before it reached its aim. He stayed calm but his words were filled with venom.. and truth.

'Is it easier for you to say you only have one nephew, Oakenshield? Ach, what a beautiful story about my leaving, I've heard it, not once. Luckily, others didn't associate me with that prince, who disowned his family, being afraid of his future responsibilities as heir to the throne. Well done, especially with telling people not to give my name away. You gave me a nice and easy start as Kili, an ordinary dwarf who was kidnapped by Orcs. I didn't even had to change my name, no one would ever dare to think I could be that shameful prince.'

Silence echoed over the cold stone of Goblins' dungeons. Some other slaves were clanging their handcuffs, chains pulled along while they were trying to get closer in order to hear more and see the actual prince, whose honour has been so shamelessely defiled.

'How.. How could you do something like that to a member of your family or your friend?!' Bongin started to lose his temper at the very beginning of this whole sitation but now.. What the hell was that supposed to mean? For now, Kili's true identinty didn't matter in the light of this faked story his family made up just to get rid of the smallest bits of Kili in their life. Cruel is not even close to how Bongin would describe their behaviour.

'Maybe under some circumstances that was the only reasonable thing to do… Maybe they wanted all intrusive eyes off of them? Maybe they had a fight and didn't think of consequences and got carried away by bad emotions? Maybe someone pushed them to do it? Lots of questions but only one answer. Still, as Kili's friend, I consider this act as inhuman. To get rid of your own family member's history in such a way...'

He didn't have a chance to finish the sentence, cause Floin pushed him aside, run closer toward Thorin and spit right in front of his boots.

After that, an inferno started. Thorin grabbed Floin by hand and pulled his knee up to opponent's chin. Bongin crushed into him as soon as his foot touched the floor again. They fell to the floor both trying to reach each others faces with furious punches. Dwalin tried to pull them away, only to be given a quick, yet precise kick from Floin who's already recovered from Thorin's blow. Gloin, Bifur and Bofur tried to part the two who still have been rolling over the floor. Alsatir put his hand on Kili's shoulder, only for it to be pushed away, when he finally decided that if this will go on his frineds will be badly injured, prisoners will join in just to have a little bit of entertainment and Goblins will have a great reason to punish them and, to be fair, they will be right, cause when hot-tempered people meet and have something to fight for, it never ends well, he can tell it himself. Besides, _it_ was tempting more and more to use in order to stop them but he had to spare his energy for what's coming from their actual enemies and not waste them on this reckless people.

' _Reckless, huh? That's what they used to call me. Isn't it funny how people change?'_ Kili thought.

'Isn't it pathetic, Oakenshield?' Kili looked at Thorin with a look that could kill and smirks. Tension between the two is unbearable again,no one dared to interrupt the silence followed by Kili's words, all the fights stopped, his voice echoed around dungeons. 'You're all fighting, for no actual reason, in Goblins filthy dungeons, wasting energy on punching those who might be your future allies on getting out of here. I'll ask again; isn't it pathetic?'

 _'Pathetic' murmured Thorin as he left the room._

 _'What a waste this boy is.' He thought to himself while washing the blood of his hands._

 _Thorin's eyes widened as he released his grip on Bongin, whose gip was much gentler then moments ago. He remebered, everything. All these sitations rushing through his head.. It was him to call that foolish dwarfling 'pathetic' numerous times…_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Yo guys! I've been working on that chapter, changing a lot so that it makes sense and, of course, won't ruin my plans for that story. I still make a lot of spontaneous decisions and have to correct some plot plans I've made at the very beggining. In truth, that chapter consists only one thing from its first version. So, you see, I'm too scatter – brained for planning.**_

 _ **And, by the way, as for Kili's age. Dwarves become adults at the age of 40, Kili is now 44.**_

THE PROTECTOR

 _ **...NOW…**_

Kili was looking at Thorin who had all these images rushing through his head. Was he ashamed of it? He didn't know. He didn't feel anything while thinking of it. Fili was a good dwarling and Kili deserved what he got. He ruined his sister's life and her –

'Kili… What has happened to you? What-Why… You are so different…' Ori was so innocently nice to Kili. He always liked him and had no idea why Kili was becoming more and more distanced and quiet, even back in Blue Mountains.

'Nothing special, Ori.' Kili's eyes were empty, he looked really tired. His companions glanced at him, their eyes were filled with sadness. They knew. They've been there too. Though, Kili was taken for tortures and hunting a lot more often then any of them. Orcs seemed to, kind of, like his company. He was disgusted by them but never complained, so that no one would have to go through it instead of him. They wondered why Orcs were so interested in him and one day, during their work at the very beggining of creating Colony, Bongin decided to ask him…

… _ **34 MONTHS AGO…**_

' _Oh, can we finally rest?!' Floin was exhausted. Today they started working even before sun rose and now it was evening._

' _Aye, I'd love to' Bongin was barely standing but he would never ask to rest first. That's how he is._

' _Fine. Hey, Kili, Falamhir, come here! Let's have some break!' shouted Alsatir._

 _Kili and Falamhir both liked hard work. Even though one of them was quite old, he had more energy that Floin. That's what life taught him, to never stop and keep pushing. By following that thought he managed to gain a lot of strenght and great condiction which still hasn't worsened._

 _They put the tools back at their place and walked slowly towards others._

 _All five sat on a branch, which was used as a bench. They looked around Colony with satisfaction. It's been only 4 months since they found the memorable ship wreck and they've already had two houses and a provisional stable for horses they luckily found bound to the tree nearby. They were, probably, left there by some humans from Rahan – they used to leave the weakest ones in case someone needed them in critical situations. How thoughtful, yet dwarves didn't really understand that act, after all some horses may have been eaten by trolls or something like that. Nevermind, they used them the way they were ment to._

' _Hey, Kili. Something's been bothering me lately… Can I ask you something?' asked Bongien. It was unusal for him to act so gently and not just ask straight away._

' _Yeah' said Kili. He was careless and didn't even bother to notice how differently his friend was behaving at that moment._

' _You know… Back there, Orcs were taking you with them quite often…' Bongien looked up to see how Kili will react to mentioning those.. events. Kili had his eyes closed and didn't really react to that._

' _So.. I-I've been wondering.. If you, by any chance, know… Why?' now he was stressed as never in his entire life. He tried to be subtle but, how on Earth can you be subtle and ask something like that?_

' _Hmm..' Kili murmured 'I don't know' he opened his eyes and glanced at Bongin. His friends could see through that expression. Seems like he doesn't care but in truth he does, and a lot._

' _Oh…That's fine, sorry…'_

' _Huh?' Why do you apologise? It's alright' Kili smiled at him. That smile disappeared immediately as he looked down. 'Actually… I think I owe you that answer.'_

' _Wh – no, I said that's fine, you don't have to –'_

' _They wanted to break me.'_

 _Alsatir and Floin looked at each other, they've been through it as well. But it was someting different than Kili, with him it was definetly more to it._

' _Oh, and they know my family. To tell you the truth, Orcs don't like them. They thought I'd be a great bait to drag them all into their filthy hands' Kili rolled his eyes 'But, how could they know, that my family didn't give a crap about me and mutually from my side. When I finally told them about that, they decided to punish me for being useless as a lure.' Kili laughed humourlessly._

 _After that they were all quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly Kili broke the silence._

' _You all don't want to go back home, as well.' That was more of a statement than question._

' _I have nothing to come back to' Falamhir was the only one left alive from his family and he didn't want to come back to his previous place of living. He let go of his bound to his homeland and decided to join the Colonists._

' _My family doesn't want to look at me, since I didn't want to marry that ugly, big – headed, so called lady.' Floin grunted._

' _I want to stay with you, buds. It's more interesting and, by the way, I hate my father. He only cares about money. I don't enjoy being used as a prole.' grumbled Bongin._

' _And I never liked the place where I lived before, as well as people there.' said Alsatir._

 _Kili laughed 'So, we're all outcasts'_

 _Colonists laughed as well. That was truth. Now, they will create their new homeland. Together._

… _ **NOW…**_

'Nothing special? You have been away for 14 years! Don't tell me you have been wandering around Middle – Earth all this time, I won't believe it. You've changed, brother.' said Fili.

'You speak like a person who has known a lot about me.' Kili was back with his sarcasstic tone and had no intenttion in changing it. His brother never stood up to Thorin, he was happy to be praised by Mother. Of course, he didn't treat Kili like thin air but neither did he treat him like a brother. He was surrounded by love, kindness and didn't notice what was happening to his younger sibling. Kili's been wondering a lot if he could blame him for that. He decided to leave that thought and focus on the Colony. And now he was facing with that problem and was unprepared for it. He quickly decided to act like he felt towards his brother at the moment. And he felt no positive feelings. Maybe that was childlish but he didn't care. He can't be a scapegoat his whole life.

'Why? Why do you act like that towards me, brother? Why do you hate me?' Fili was desperatly trying to keep it all together but he was on the edge. That last sentence pulled Thorin out of his thoughts.

'I-I don't hate you… It's all complicated.' Now Kili really didn't know what to do and how to react. He honestly didn't hate Fili, but… He has to say something. 'Truth is, Fili, you know nothing about me, just as I know nothing about you. My friends here – don't know much about me, too. But they were there for me in my worst days, I trust them and I'm sure they trust me. When it comes to you… I don't know you, that's why. That's why I don't think of you as my real brother, we're brothers only by blood bonds. We never get along with each other, you were busy acting like a prince and getting ready to become one, while I was trying to be the least of - '

'Stop it. You were treated equally. It was you who avoided us the most you could.' stated Thorin.

'Oh please, I didn't want to be more of a burden than I knew I already have been.'

… _ **KILI'S CHILDHOOD….**_

… _ **16 YEARS OLD…**_

' _You should be really proud of him, Dis! Fili's skills with double-swords are improving so fast he'll be better than me in no time!' Thorin was satisfied with his nephew's improvement, he thought of him as a perfect material for his heir._

' _I definetly am. If you don't mind, I'd like to see some of your moves tomorrow during your training session, love' Dis smiled cheerfully._

' _Yeah, Mom! You gotta see me! I'm the best heir to the throne!' Fili was excited when his biggest authorities – Mom and Uncle – were praising him. One day, he promised himself, he'll be as strong as Thorin and as nice as Dis. Kid was looking at them with respect and happiness, after all they were his heroes._

' _Mommy, where's Kili?' Fili spun around on his chair and took no notice of little reckless brother._

' _I don't know' the smile Dis wore seconds ago disappearred but her gentle tone didn't change._

' _Maybe this time he didn't get into any trouble' said irritated Thorin. He was tired of baby-sitting this unworthy brat._

… _ **20 YEARS OLD…**_

' _But why?!' Kili was kneeling on the floor in front of his Uncle's desk, worn out by whole day of training and this stupid discussion with Thorin. Couldn't he let him be for just one day without a lecture about nothing? But this time he crossed the line!_

' _Show more respect toward your eldest, Kili' Thorin gave him a warning look and countinued 'He has really bad impact on you. You are late for dinner, get into fights and you became less respectful towards me and your Mother'_

' _But Kerli has nothing to do with it! It's my own decision to do all this things!' his Uncle was usually very skeptical about Kili's actions but he never tried to pull him away from his only friend, until now._

' _You should focus on your training more! Instead of it, you're wasting your time with him'_

' _I train at least four hours everyday! Even Fili takes one day off in a week…' Kili was now completly out of energy, all he wanted to do was sleep but he couldn't give up on his friendship with Kerli that easily!_

' _Fili is different than you. He is making unusual progress, so he deserves a break once a week. You, on the other hand…' Thorin shook his head to show how disappointed he was._

' _I hit all the targets right in the centre. And that's while running!'_

' _Bow doesn't count. Real dwarves fight with swords or axes.'_

 _Kili stood up and wanted to say something in defense of his precious weapon only to be stopped by Thorin's raised hand._

' _That's enough for today. Since tomorrow you train at least six hours per day with a sword. And as for your friend… You can't meet with him, until I say so. End of conversation. Now, leave' Now Thorin wasn't looking at him, he decided to focus on one of the books which were laying on his desk._

' _Further conversation is pointless…' Kili whispered to himself, spun on his heel and walked out._

 _ **...NOW…**_

'Burden? No one ever considered you as one, Kili!' Fili was desperately trying to contradict it. Why his brother thought he was a burden to anyone?

'I don't expect you to understand' Kili looked away, memories seeping into his vision.

… _ **KILI'S CHILDHOOD…**_

… _ **20 YEARS OLD…**_

' _That stupid Thorin, if he's so smart, then why he thinks Kerlin is not a material for my friend' Kili grumbled under his nose while walking towards stairs to go to his and Fili's room._

 _He stopped half-way through the main hall. He felt terrible that day and that argument with Thorin didn't help. His mom was sitting by the fireplace. Suddenly he felt a great need to ask her. Ask her the question that's been on his mind for some time. He noticed the difference in a way his family treated his brother and him. Not that he was jealous but he always liked being aware of everything around him, he wanted to know how certain situation looked and why. Always seeking the truth, that's how he was (and still is)._

' _Good evening, mom' Kili sat in an armchair opposite to her. Her body tensed, as usual, at the sound of his voice. He hated being a reason for that. Now he was sure, he must find out why they acted like that towards him._

' _Evening, sweetheart' she smiled at him. But the smile didn't reach her eyes._

' _I-I need to ask you something' he felt like he couldn't breath. His hands started to shake and sweat. He looked up at his Mother. And froze. Is she.. crying? He didn't even get a chance to ask her and she was already crying? What the hell…? 'Mum, what's going on?'_

' _I'm sorry.. I'm so-so sorry' now she broke into tears and couldn't stop shaking._

 _Kili didn't know what to do. He wasn't good at dealing with emotions and the only way he knew to let go of them was to go training but, of course, he won't advice his Mother to go and shoot some arrows, no, he's gotta shake that thought away. What do people do when they comfort each other? Hug? No, he won't do that. His mom doesn't like when he does it. So maybe he should offer her some tea? Or go and find Fili? He wolud know what to do._

 _Dis pulled him out of his thoughts by saying 'sorry' once again and breaking into even more tears. Mahal, he doesn't have time to run for Fili, their mum will flood the house before he's back. Wait. He wasn't thinking of it but.. Was she apologising to him?_

' _Ehm, you have nothing-nothing to apologise for, Mom' said Kili hoping that his ensurance will calm her down._

' _What did you want to ask, Kili?' Dis still had tears in her eyes but at least she stopped producing liters of them. Now she was looking at her son, her expression sorrowful._

' _It doesn't matter, I'll ask another day. Don't worry about that' Kili smiled, trying to soothe her to the point when she'll be fully calm._

' _It matters, Kili, it really does'_

 _Kili was now confused like never before. Moments ago she was crying her eyes out, now she wants to talk with him? But he can't ask her about it now, not in her present state._

' _Please, Kili, ask. Maybe I'll be able to help' her smile was so real this time._

' _Are you sure?' Dis nodded. Kili sighed 'I don't know what to ask, actually. I just feel like you don't really.. treat me like.. you know.. It feels like you and Thorin, Uncle Thorin, don't think of me as someone worth being a Durin or something…'_

 _Silence followed by his words was deafening. Kili has never felt that stressed in his whole life. He started to blame himself for that stupid assumption, they were family after all, why wolud he –_

' _I hate you, Kili'_

… _ **NOW…**_

'Explain it then! I want to understand! I know you think of me as the worst brother you could have had but I really love you, Kili. Everyday I was wondering why did you run away from us..' Fili looked broken. He truly cared for his brother. As an heir to the throne he had some more attendings to do but tried not to lose the bond they had.

He looked at Kili, his stare was so distant now, like he wasn't really there. Fili came closer towards his brother, placed his hands on his shoulders and gently shook them.

'I want to know you, Kili. I'm sorry for all those years but I want you to know that we all loved you all along'

' _I hate you, Kili, I hate you, Kili, I hate you, Kili, I hate you, Kili' his mother's voice echoed in his head._

Kili started to laugh. That was a humourless laugh, filled with pain. Fili had tears running down his face and looked at his brother not knowing what to do. Kili stopped laughing.

Everybody in the cell was staring at them, not knowing what to do or say. It was Balin who spoke first.

'When you hurt someone and leave a scar it will always remind him about that certain sitation when he got it' he sighed.

'I don't understand! What do you mean by it?!' Fili was losing it again. He saw his brother after 14 years, why on Earth, was he the only one happy about it?

'It's complicated, Fili' Thorin placed his hand on his nephew's shoulder 'One day, we will tell you'

'One day..' Kili's voice was distant and he was still staring into nothing in front of him.

'You promised your own Mother that you won't tell anybody, don't forget about it' Thorin's voice was dangerous as if he was threating Kili. He knew what that conversation 24 years ago was about. He knew.

… _ **KILI'S CHILDHOOD…**_

… _ **20 YEARS OLD…**_

' _I hate you, Kili' Dis wasn't looking at him. She couldn't do that._

 _Minutes passed and none of them moved nor spoke. His mother's words were sinking into him like poison. He tried to memorize what could have been the reason for that but the harder he thought, the more it pained. What a child has to do, to be hated by his own mother?_

' _Mahal, Kili, I'm sorry!' Dis stood up quickly and ran towards him. She pulled him up and hugged him in the frankiest embrance she could, reapatedly saying 'I'm sorry'._

 _He didn't return the hug. He couldn't move. He couldn't feel. He couldn't speak. He felt empty. Out of all the things he expected from his Mother to say,_ _that_ _wasn't even in his worst nightmares._

' _Why?' a quiet whisper managed to escape his lips._

' _I think you deserve to know that' said Dis pulling herself away from him and looking into his empty eyes with hers, filled with regret and guilt. 'Your father… He didn't want you. When he found out I was pregnant with another baby, he left me and Fili. He said he didn't sign up for this and he won't help in raising you…'_

… _ **45 YEARS AGO…**_

' _What is that supposed to mean?! You think you can just run away from your son and leave me pregnant with another child?! What has happend to you?' Dis was angry, she couldn't believe in her husband's words. He was a man of honour, it just wasn't a suitable reaction for him._

' _You're such an egoistical person. We don't have time for another child! I have to leave and fight in Murhan's War and you know it! This new child will only be an obstacle in our life! I don't know if I'll ever be able to love it…' Feloni was confused. He didn't want another child. They had enough problems and a new kid on their way would bring even more of them. No, he wasn't ready for this._

' _Grow up! You're an adult. How can you say you won't love your own child? A dwarlfing in whose veins will be running your own blood!' Dis was furious. She loved Feloni but now... She'll give birth to their child in few months and he just gives up on it? What a parody of a father._

' _I don't want it! If you decided to have it, then I'm leaving' his voice was stern and he seemed serious._

' _Leave, then' said Dis through tears of anger and powerlessness._

 _Feloni was shocked but he recovered fast and headed towards door._

' _After I leave, you won't be able to love it as well. Mark my words' and with that, he left._

… _ **20 YEARS OLD…**_

' _I never thought he will be right. Few months later, he died on the battlefield. Before that, he gave me a letter and told me to wait 'till he comes back to read it. Well, he will never come back, I thought, so I'll just open it. In there.. He wrote how sorry he was. He apologised for not helping me in raising you and for his behaviour when he find out we will have another baby. He said that as soon as he comes back, he'll try to be a good father for his newborn. He also wrote, that he can't focus on the battle, cause he's so anxious to meet you, Kili. Since that day, I couldn't look at you. I knew I can't blame you for your father's death but there's always been that thought at the back of my head, that maybe.. Maybe if we didn't have that fight back then, he wouldn't be distracted during that battle or he wouldn't have gone for that war at all. I blamed you your whole life. There's been time I didn't want to touch you. You felt like a sign of death to me. Mahal, you were smiling so kindly to everyone and were such a cute child. Yet, I couldn't shake off that feeling of hateress I felt for you. That's why I was always keeping distance; and so was Thorin. When he heard of it he said, he'll try to do his best in taking you off of my eyes. We've been so cruel to you, Kili… I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry' and Dis broke into tears again. She let the burden fall of her shoulders. She broke that heavy stone which was covering her heart for those 21 years. All her sadness, sorrow, pain, hatress and regret just flew away, leaving her peacefully light. She pulled Kili into one more tight hug. She didn't want to let go. Ever._

 _Some moments passed and she released him from her grip to look at his face and listen what he has to say. He wasn't looking at her. He remained quiet. His expression was blank, empty._

' _Kili, please, say something. I know it must be tough for you but, trust me, I still learn to let go of this feeling and one day I will be completly free from it. I felt like you needed to know. I don't want to hate you. I want to love you.' Her words were honest, coming right from her heart._

 _Kili's expression didn't change. His head was empty. His everything was empty. Should he feel relieved that he finally knows? I took a lot from his mother to tell him about Feloni, he knew it but… How should he feel? Angry? Sad? Maybe happy because of finally being aware? Probably. After all, he wanted to know, he asked and he got his answer. It was unexpected, yes, but it was the truth. And that's all he wanted. The truth. It's the thing about it, really. On the one hand, you want the truth but on the other, you don't. Because it's unpredictable. Because it might hurt you. Because it might ruin you world. Because it can change everything. Because it's final and you can't avoid it. You can't get around it. When you get it, you can't give it back. You have to live with it. Face it. And that is the most difficult. That is why we are afraid of it. We must be ready for anything and everything. We must be ready to confront it. But was Kili ready for it? He thought so. Yet, he has forgotten about unpredictability of it. And that's what lost him._

 _He simply walked out of the room. Not saying anything. Not doing anything. He just left. As soon as he did, Dis fell on the sofa and cried again, overflooded with emotions._

… _ **NOW…**_

Kili felt it again. The emptiness. Back then, he tried to act like he used to, before that memorable moment. Now it all just came back to him… 'No, stop. Control yourself, Kili. It happened. So what? You gotta be strong. Don't lose it ever again.' He scolded himself in his thoughts.

'Don't worry, I won't say anything, Thorin. So leave it, Fili' Kili looked back at his brother with emotionless impression.

'No. I can't just leave it. What are you hiding from me?' Fili was firm. He wanted the answer, right now.

'Fili, it's nothing important, don't worry about it.' Said Thorin. He tried to get grip of the situation and don't let Kili say anything more, which could make his brother ask about that again.

'He's right. It's nothing you should worry about.' Thorin looked at Kili, a little bit surprised.

'Seems like he doesn't want to talk about that either.' Thought Thorin. That was good, he doesn't have to save the situation all by himself as long as Kili keeps on ensuring his brother about the lack of importance of it.

'One day you won't be strong enough to carry all your burdens on your own, brother' said Fili, sorrowful expression on his face.

Kili was taken aback by that statement. He was about to say something but Balin was quicker.

'All of us need to calm down and bury the hatchet, at least for now. There is no point in arguing right now. We should focus on forming a plan to get out of here.' Balin was calm as usually. He didn't want to see any Kili – Thorin fights nor listen to more arguments.

'How about Gandalf?' Only now did Kili notice a small creature still hidden behind Thorin's company. Was that Hobbit even there all that time?

'He left us on our own' growled Dwalin. He was annoyed with that wizard since day one and now he disappeared moments before they really need him.

'Gandalf? Do you mean Gandalf the Grey, that wizard?' Alsatir was interested in magic since being a small kid. He knew quite a lot about them, especially Gandalf and Saruman. So, he decided to cut into their discussion and, maybe, ask Kili to follow them until they reunite with him, so he could meet the subject of his interest.

'Aye, he's helping us throughout our journey.' said Bofur.

'Helping is not the right word, I'd say' smirked Floin. He was sent a warning look from Alsatir, so decided to get closer to Kili, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts again.

'I agree with that dwarf' growled Dwalin. He didn't care if they were strangers, he completly agreed with that blonde – haired dwarf. What is the advantage of travelling with a wizard if he's not there in the most important moments?!

'Kili, I think we should think of a plan together, I mean, along with them' Falamhir pointed with his head at Thorin's company.

'That might be –'

He didn't finish his sentence beacuse of a bright light which apperaed in the dungeons. When it dimmed a little, a tall figure showed.

'Could it be? Gandalf the Grey…' whispered excited Alsatir.

'Stand up. Stand up and run!' shouted wizard.

Both, Thorin's and Kili's companies rose up and started running after Gandalf. They forced their way through Goblins' dungeons. A true chaos started when they reached main corridors. While running, they were picking weapons they found laying on the pathways or they tried to win them in a fight with filthy goblins. It seemed like forever but they finally broke out from there.

'Don't stop yet! Run!' Gandalf guided them down some hill and onto a clearing until they lost their goblin tail. Both companies stopped. And that was the comeback of a tensed silence. Gandalf looked at all of them, interested.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hello readers! That chapter took me sooo long to write. Half – way through it, I lost my inspiration and decided to leave it. Today, I came back to it (thanks to Harry Potter books!) filled with ideas. I simply went with the flow and finished it. Most of it has not been planned but I'm really satisfied.**_

 _ **Also, reviews are really welcomed, as well as follows and favourites, they motivate and tell me if you are still interested in my story. Enjoy!**_

… _ **NOW…**_

'I'm so glad we managed to escape them! My, my, I thought I will never see my lovely armchair back in Shire again, let alone sit on it!' Bilbo felt relieved. He never really wanted to go on that journey with those insane dwarves who ate all his food and destroyed some precious family heirlooms. Even though he, kinda, grew quite fond of their company, now he felt totally out of place. What was that with Thorin, Fili and… Kili, is that so? They never mentioned another nephew, blonde prince's brother. Moreover, something had definetly happened between Thorin and Kili and it seemed like they spreaded some nasty rumours about him, if what he said was true. Bilbo was confused and decided to break the silence with some light words of relief. Now, he has to wait for their reaction.

'Seriously Bilbo, you only care about being comfortable' said Nori. He didn't know much about Durin family as well, but never dared to ask. He was curious about it, tho. What on Earth caused Thorin and Kili to hate each other? Truth is, he knew about those gossips they let out, about a prince who escaped in fear but it wasn't even a little close to what actually happened.

The rest of dwarves were looking down. Truth to be told – they all knew. They were aware of Kili's existence and, even though not all of them were aware why he was suddenly gone, all of them knew that 'fear' wasn't the real reason. They used to talk about that, only to be stopped by Balin or Dwalin. They never gave any reason for stopping them, they just asked not to consider any possibilities. But since Kili is back with them, after 14 long years, they all have a great need to know the truth. Because truth is something that was rarely served them.

It was Balin who, again, broke the silence after Bilbo's desperate try to fix the atmosphere. But Balin's intention wasn't to do the same, he wanted to clarify everything. Suddenly, he got an idea.

'Kili, do you want to go to Erebor with us?'

Kili's eyes grew so big they nearly covered his whole face. He tried to say something but the only words that escaped his lips were 'B-Balin.. I-I'.

'Balin, what are you on about?' Thorin casted his friend a questioning look with anger building up behind it.

Balin came closer to his King. 'I think you need some time to explain some matters witch each other. And your companions. You know how lies affect loyality, right?' he didn't want to listen to his complains, he just wanted to uncover everything for others. If that ment taking Kili with them, in order to give them more time, so be it. Besides, he missed Kili.

'Wait a moment' Kili found his voice when the biggest shock finally left him 'I never said I agreed for that. I don't care about your kingdom or your king's desires'.

'Don't forget I'm your King as well' Thorin took one step closer towards Kili. That brat will not offend him like that. He should have remembered to show respect to him. Or it will be too late for any mercy.

'From what I know I have nothing to do with you.' Kili said, monotony crawling into his voice again, he seemed bored. 'Or do you want to tell me something? Maybe I'm your long lost nephew? A prodigal one?'

Thorin threw himself at Kili. That was it, he didn't want to be insulted by him anymore. He was always weak and unworthy, so who would Thorin stop himself?

He aimed his fist into Kili's face. What a huge surprise it was, when Kili grabbed him by his wrist, threw him over to the ground and placed his knee on his back.

'What? It's not easy to punch me anymore?' Kili whispered in Thorin's ear. He didn't want to say that aloud, he was ashamed of being beaten by his Uncle. Not that he cared about bastard's reputation, he cared about his private sphere.

'Mahal, Kili! Get off him!' it was Alsatir. He was shocked. Firstly, because Kili responded Thorin with such an impressive move, and secondly, because he _did_ respond. The Kili he knew woud just dodge, not get into fight.

Kili casted a glance at his friend and stood up. Balin run to Thorin and helped him up.

'Thorin, you cannot act like that! We want to make peace with Kili, for both of your sakes.' His King didn't seem convinced, so he decided to aim for his common sense. 'Oh, please. After what's happened we will have a lot of trust troubles. I recommend, as your friend adn royal advisor, to agree to take Kili with us and make peace with him, I'm sure it will be beneficial for all of us'.

Thorin looked over to Kili, who was surrounded by his Colonists. They seemed to be quite a team. He started to become more and more curious about Kili's adventures during those years and how he managed to create a company. So its decided.

'I will ask you myself, Kili. Will you come with us to regain Erebor, dwarves homeland?' Thorin was firm, he kept reminding himself to stay calm.

'No' Unfortunately, stubborness is Durin's thing. It looked like Kili has made up his mind on that matter. Luckily, he had some friends who were his voice of reason from time to time…

'I think you should go' said Falamhir. He wanted for Kili all best. 'If you don't settle everything with your family… You won't be able to make full peace with yourself as well'.

Kili was about to object but then his right shoulder stared to ache as if it was on fire. He flinched _. 'I get it, I get it. They will need my help. I'll go if you stop'_ Kili thought, hoping that they will actually hear him out, he didn't know how those things worked. It was supposed to be his redemption. He hated that power and used it as rarely as possible. Besides, it didn't work if he was controlled by any heavy emotions, no matter what they were, even happiness.

'What about you? And more imporantly what about Colony?' his shoulder was literally on fire right now. Falamhir wanted to react but he noted how pale Kili has gotten and concern crept into his voice.

'Are you alright?' he tried to reach for him, only to be stopped by Kili's quick reassurnance.

'I'm fine.' He was definate and cut the matter of his well-being, especially that his vision was starting to blur, he needed to quicken his decision but still… 'I asked, what about you and Colony? I can't just leave it all and go on a journey with them!'

'We will go with you.' It was Bongin who said it. He was sent some unsure glances 'We're all in this together. You said it yourself that you want to test Colony' Kili looked away 'it's the best ocassion for you to do it!'

'I say we send Falamhir back to Colony' said Alsatir. He was met with even more surprised glances, and an upset one from Falamhir. 'Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want him to come or something. I just think it's best to send one of us back there, just to make sure. We don't know how much time this journey will take and we can't leave them on their own for Mahal knows how long. Falamhir used to be a leader and he's loyal to Kili, besides he's the oldest of us. In spite of his good condiction, we can't risk his health. What do you say, Kili?' Alsatir looked at his leader.

'I'm glad I have someone like you' smiled Kili. His state hasn't change, it means he's gotta decide now, and be quick or he'll faint. 'Falamhir, I entrust you with keeping Colony safe until my, our comeback. I believe it is a good idea to send you to them. I trust my people but I can't forget about the margine of trust as well' he was nearly out of breath. Is it their way of punishing him for using that power as rarely as possible? Those damn gods. 'If all of you agree for your task, especially you Falamhir, we will go with Oakenshield.' He was hoping for a quick response, breathing was quite a struggle now. Damn gods.

'I trust both of yours' opinions. I don't feel any worse treated by this act. I guess it's reasonable. I agree.' Stated Falamhir. If that's his leader's will, he will obey. Besides, it will be nice to be back in charge for some time.

'We agree as well' both Floin and Bongin shouted. They were excited for some adventures. It's much more from what they expected. Bongin casted a glance at Kili. Was he tired already? _'Maybe he didn't feel like running away from goblins today…'_ he thought.

'I think my opinion on that is obvious' said Alsatir.

'F-Fine. We will go with you' said Kili. When he thought he's gonna collapse, all the pain was gone and his vision cleared. _'Damn gods, putting me on the edge, tsk'_ thought upset Kili.

'Then it's decided!' said satisfied Balin. He looked around company. They were quite happy with the outcome as well.

'It's dawning. We need to set a camp here.' Said Gandalf. Dwarves nearly forgotten about that wizard who leaned over tree trunk and was observing them all the time.

'I will take the fist watch, if that's ok' said Kili. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, all his senses were incited. Damn gods, again.

'We should give you a companion, master Kili, it's tough to take care of nearly twenty people by yourself' said kindly Gandalf.

'I will take the watch as well'.

'So, it's decided. Let's set the camp and go to sleep' commanded Thorin. Though, he wasn't sure about Kili's watch companion…

… _ **FEW HOURS LATER…**_

Both companies were asleep. Kili sat at the tree trunk when he could see the whole camp.

'Mind if I join you?'

'Don't you think it will be better if we were on the separate positions? We will cover more ground, now our view at the camping is only from one side, we don't have a wide range of sight' Kili's tone was cold but, truth to be told, he was right. Yet –

'Please, let me. I want to talk to you' Fili was calm and kind. He wanted to ask his brother about so many things.

'Eh, I'm not sure if that's a good idea' Kili's shoulder stung him 'Damn…' he whispered 'Fine, sit'.

Fili smiled and lowered himself to sit next to his brother.

They sat like that for few minutes, atmosphere was kind of… awkward. Blonde dwarf decided to use all of his courage and talk with his brother.

'I was hoping to see you again' he looked at Kili who was still stubbornly staring into darkness. 'Do you want to tell me what has happened? I mean, why did you leave us?'

'I didn't do that on my own accord' how arrogant, to ask something like that after telling everybody a pure lie.

'I understand' Fili braced himself for conversation on that topic 'I'm sorry. Uncle Thorin came up with the idea for that story to take the attention away from us' Kili was opening his mouth when Fili cut in 'But, of course, you have every right to be upset about that. Who wouldn't be…'

'I got over this' his sibling was surprised. Kili mentioned it and was angry and now he says he got over this? 'Thing is, were you even trying to find me?'

Fili fell silent. Did they? He heard something about some search party but that was only one time. He never thought –

'Leave it. It's not like I've been wondering about that all the time' Kili's shoulder stung again. _'What is it about those gods?!'_ he thought. He was upset, angry and even furious lots of times but they rarely reacted to that, power just didn't work, that was all. Whatever, he's not gonna worry about that now, especially that his bother was looking at him as if he was some rare animal species. 'What is it? I have something on my face?'

'You look much better now. You know, back then you seemed pale. Maybe that was just my imagination or the lightning…' Fili felt a little bit ashamed. He acted like a brother but isn't it too late? He was worried sick if Kili won't just ignore him. Fortunately, he didn't close himself up. He hoped they will have time to rebuild their relationship. What he was sure about was that he will put all the effort into that and aim for succes on that matter.

'That was… probably the lightning' Kili won't tell him about that. He won't tell anobody. It's his burden to bear. Besides, he was told not to if the sitation didn't exact that. Oh, and they said they will give him their signs whenever they wanted something from him. They could have thought of something better than pain in the shoulder which will evenly spread across his full body. Damn gods.

They fell into silence again.

Suddenly, something started to move in the forest. Brothers stiffened and listened closely. Then they heard it – Black Speech and growling. Orcs. Now they wished those were goblins…

'Wake everyone up!' shouted Fili as Orcs approached.

Few moments later they were all up, feverishly looking for a place to hide or run. Misfortune decided to place them in a forest where they could see, well, precisely nothing.

'Should we climb up the trees?!' shouted Dori.

'They are too thick to climb!' Bifur shouted back in Khuzdul.

'What do we do?!' Dwalin turned to Thorin.

'Brace yourselves and show no fear to them!' Thorin had no other option than to say that. They won't be able to run faster than Wargs or climb those thick and tall trees. They still have chance to win with them in a fight.

Orcs started approaching from their right side. They stopped when they were opposite to the companies. At the very end, rode their leader –

'Azog?!' Thorin shouted, disbelief clear in his voice. That monster was slaughtered long ago in the Battle of Azanulbizar, so how come he stands at the front of an Orcs pack?

The Defiler looked at his enemies. He stopped at a certain dwarf.

'Thorin Oakenshield' Azog smiled viciously and turned to his subordinates 'Do you smell it? The scent of fear? I remember your father reeked of it'

'Shut up, scum!' Thorin was furious. Azog was believed to be dead and now he apperas right in front of them. That's ridiculous.

Azgo looked over the company, still smiling. He stopped at Kili and his smile grew even wider.

'I was hoping to meet you again, Kili. We have some unfinished business' Azog lunged forward and hauled off at him with his sword. Kili leaned back but wasn't fast enough and the tip of the Orc's weapon scratched his cheek. At that dwarves cried in protest.

'Leave Oakneshield to me! As for the rest – ' he casted a side glance at Kili ' – kill them!'.

Before storimg into the battle, Azog leaned towards Kili and whispered a name in his ear. Kili froze, he had no idea they knew…

He was pulled out of thoughts as soon as he felt a kick in his gut. Swiftly, he pulled his sword out and cut off orc's head. He looked around, all of his fellows were busy fighting. He stood there like that and realized that no orcs were attacking him, except for that one before. 'The hell? Can't those moorons see me?'. He decided to take advantage of that and pulled out his bow.

Dwalin found himself surrounded by seven Orcs. He hauled off and hit few of them with his axe, only to be grabbed by his wrist by one of them as he pulled them both to the ground. On his left Bofur was wrestling with an Orc who wanted to bite his nose off. He was unable to pull his sword out and noticed that Fili is even in more trouble. He was surrounded in a tight circle and when he turned to one side, he was sliced from the other. Suddenly, Orcs around him started to fall down, and arrow pointning out of their necks or few seconds he freed himslef and killed the last Orcs from the group. He looked over at Kili who has already moved towards Bongin and Gloin who were having some problems as well. Fili looked around again to search for his Uncle. He found him fighting with Azog. He was handeling it, so he turned around to help Ori, who only angered Wargs with his slingshot. Moments later a huge Orc on even bigger Warg rode into the battlefield. He seemed to be looking for someone. Fili felt anxious, that monster looked like a ruthless murderer. He finally spotted his aim and rode straight into it. Fili swirled around and, as he feared, noticed that this aim was nobody else but his brother. Kili stopped shooting and dodged the Berserk's attack. It jumped off of his Warg which tossed itself onto Nori and Dori. Time seemed to be frozen. Kili looked at his opponent with, well – known to Fili, boredom, as if he didn't notice how dangerous that creature was.

On the inside Kili was anxious. He knew that Orc very well – he was the one who took most pleasure in torture and always wanted to finish off any survivors. He was pure, living rage bottled up all the time. And he knew well what happened when he let it out.

Orc seemed to recognize Kili. He stared at him with his cruel, wide – opened eyes and let out an angry growl.

'I see you finally found him, Mourdres' said Azog. He decided to hand Thorin to his companions and watch as his berserk slashes Kili into million tiny pieces. 'It's that dwarf who finished her insted of you' Kili's expression changed immidiately. His eyes grew bigger as he opened his mouth. He looked over at Azog and changed back to his bored impression. But that quick and small change of his, allowed Mourdres to ran into him and toss him to the ground. They landed with a loud thud as air escaped Kili's lungs. Moreover, his body started to ache and burn _'As if I don't know what I have to do!'_ he thought angrily and, with all his strength, threw Berserk behind himself with his legs. They both got up and reached for their swords. The sound of steel meeting steel echoed over the forest.

Dwarves started to get very tired as more and more Orcs approached. _'I have to help them but I can't do it while fighting that berserk blob'_ Kili thought and hissed as Mourdres cut his already burning with pain shoulder.

Suddenly some burning things were thrown at the Orcs. Everybody looked at the area from where they were thrown and, finally, found their wizard.

'If he hand't shown, I would've hunted him down and killed myself!' shouted Dwalin. Does that wizard always wait to have a stunning entrance into the battle and help in the last moment?!

Wargs fur was igniting very quickly and they didn't know what to do with themsleves, so they run towrds their masters, putting them on fire as well. Minutes passed, and soon forest started to burn along with Orcs and Wargs.

'Come here!' Gandalf shouted at dwarves who were staring at their enemies attempts to put out the fire. Suddenly, Kili was tossed in front of their eyes. He got up in the nick of time, for Berserk, who was on fire, was already running towards him. Kili was trying to avoid both flames and his opponent's sword and trying to slash him. Dwarves shouted to Kilil and were about to run to help him. Dwalin was just starting to run, when someone held him down. Surprisingly, that was Bongin.

'The hell are you doin'?! Kili will get killed if we don't help him!'

'I'm sorry… I want to help him as well but..' Bongin was torn, he wanted to help but Kili told him once to never get involved in the battle with that Berserk…

'But what?! You have nothing to justify your action!'

'Please, stop it.' It was Alsatir. He, as well, was told not to ever interrupt a battle or fight himself that Berserk. 'We promised him…'

Thorin's company who were about to help Kili, now was listening to Alsatir.

'Why would he say that?! Does he really have to handle everything on his own?!' Fili was pissed off.

'We respect that promise. And so we ask you to do the same' Floin hasn't been that serious for ages. Now his expression wasn't playful, it was sad but firm. Suddenly –

'Eagles are here. They will take us out of here' said Gandalf. He knew dwarves want to toss themselves at the Berserk and he wondered why Kili didn't want anyone else to fight him. He will ask about that later.

Dwarves looked up. Some off them screamed as they were suddenly picked off the ground. Kili was still fighting with Berserk and they wondered how Eagles will take him, since they were so close to each other. Seconds later, Kili and Mourdres crushed into each other, swords clashed over one another in such quick pace, dwarves could barely see them. Mahal know how, Kili found Berserk's exposed spot and kicked him in his ribs. Creature bend over and kneeled. Kili run to him and cut off his arm. Monster let out a piercing cry. Kili turned to him, panting. An Eagle used that moment and grabbed Kili. At first he struggled but then saw others being carried by them as well, and relaxed as he was thrown onto other Eagle's back. While they were flying away, Berserk shouted something in Black Speech.

'Mazdug ahusg zund unzabaun!' Dwarves looked at each other, not knowing what it ment. Bongin, Alsatir, Falamhir and Floin did. They glanced over at Kili who was straing into the sky. It surprised them when he turned to face them and smiled.

'He talks a lot, dosen't he?' he smirked. Their shock vanished and they let out a small laugh.

Eagles landed on some cliff. Gandalf went away to talk with their leader.

'Hey Kili, do you know what that Orc has said?' Ori looked at him, unsure. They've just reunited and he's asking such question, how inappropriate –

'Nah, no idea' shrugged Kili. 'I've never studied Black Speech' he winked at Ori with a kind smile, which he returned, relieved that Kili wasn't offended by his question.

Colonists were surprised, they were certain he knew. Well, apparently he didn't want Thorin's company to know.

Kili was nudged by Thorin who passed him quickly. Dwarves turned towards him and froze in amazement. Even Kili broke his bored expression but, on the contrary of everone elses' shiny eyes and smiles, he seemed dissappointed and unsure.

'That is our home' Thorin placed his hand on Fili's shoulder and smiled at him.

Fili returned the smile and looked over at the up – lifting view. Far away, they saw what they were going to take back, where they will live. Dwarves were imagining what their lives will look like when they finally regain Erebor. Others were memorizing old times, when they were walking down the corridors, smiling and enjoying their lives.

'So, that's where were heading to' said Alsatir.

'Yeah…' Kili sighed.

'They are very happy 'bout that mountain, aren't they?' Bongin joined them. He appreciated the view but didn't really get why they cared to risk their lives for it, since they have already settled in Blue Mountains, from what Kili told him they had a good life there.

'Wouldn't you be happy about seeing your home which was taken from you?' asked Falamhir looking at him.

'I would be! If only my pig fiancee was living elsewhere…' stated Floin. Colonists laughed at that and teased him about his beautiful lady, completly forgetting about Erebor.

Balin looked over at them. He felt some presence next to himself and casted a side – glance.

'He got himself quite a company' he said happily.

Thorin didn't answer. He just looked at them.

'They respect him as a leader' he decided to break the silence.

'Thorin…'

'He has changed' Balin was taken aback by that statement, he thought Thorin would say something like 'he doesn't deserve that respect' but was glad he didn't.

'Aye, he did. Maybe Orcs did more good then bad on that matter' Thorin was shocked to hear something like that.

'How can you –'

'If they hadn't kidnapped him back then, he might still be a quiet and reckless dwarfling, hiding in his brother and Uncle's shadow' with that Balin left his side and walked over to Dwalin.

Thorin couldn't believe his ears. Hiding in their shadows? He was putting a lot of effort to put Kili in the shadow, so that he won't distract his brother from his duties but he always semeed to step off of that shadow into the light and embarass his family. For example by using a bow instead of a sword or axe. _'Though now he seems to be quite good with sword'_ he thought to himself.

'We're going down' stated Gandalf and walked over to Thorin 'I've talked with Eagles' leader. They cannot carry us any further, because that would mean risking their own lives and he decided not to do that anymore. I thanked them for help in your name. Now, we need to get down and continue our quest'.

'Thank you' Thorin said. They saw their goal, it gets closer and closer. They cannot give up.

Both companies headed downhill.

'So, that's where we split' Falamhir said goodbye to everyone, packed some food and was given some advices from Gandalf on how to get there without any obsatcles.

'Do you think he will be all right?' asked worried Bongin 'He's old and maybe tired, and he may forget his way to the Colony and –'

'Ohh, so you worry about grandpa Falamhir, kiddy? Come here, I will give you a hug!' shouted Floin, reaching towards Bongin who hid behind Kili.

'Heelp me!' he hissed in Kili's ear. Kili twitched, it seemed like he wasn't listening to them. When he realized what was going on a mischevious smile crawled onto his lips.

'Of course I will help you!' he shouted in his face 'Come here, big uncle Kili will comfort his little Bongin boy!' and he reached towards him, crushing him in a tight hug and rubbing his head. Floin jumped onto them and the three fell to the ground.

'They are really close' said Balin as Kili and Bongin both punched Floin and yelled at him for tipping them.

'Yes' Alsatir smiled 'They were always fighting like that' he chuckled 'Me and Falamhir, we tried to stop them so they won't accidentally hurt each other, and Floin was either joining or instigating them'.

'I'm glad Kili has found himself friends like you' Balin smiled warmly to Alsatir whose expression darkened at that.

'Well, we are all outcasts and that was what we had in common in the first place' he stared into Balin's eyes 'We wanted to survive but didn't know what for. We had nowhere to come back to. We've grown fond of each other and became friends but not like most of the people. We grieved over our friends' dead bodies together, we fought for our lives together, we encouraged each other in the toughest times and we protected each other! You say you're glad we are like that? Try to imagine everything that led us to that point! I know that you've been trough some terryfing events as well but you had your family and friends around and we had no one! We only had each other! At first it was 'only' but as time passed it changed into 'more then we could have asked for'. Our friendship was built in the worst time of our lives…' Alsatir stopped and was met with silence. All chats stopped long ago and everybody was starring at him. Even Kili, Bongin and Floin gave up on their fights and looked at him. Thorin's company's eyes were filled with sorrow, they saw how much it pained Alsatir and were met with the fact that it was happening to them, to their friend and family member Kili. And now he stood in front of them as a leader of Colonists, strong, respected. When they looked at him and his companions they didn't see people who went through hell on Earth but they have just been reminded of it and it made them sad.

'How… H-How can you be so strong after that?' Ori put his hand on Kili's shoulder. He was already standing and approached closer to Alsatir, leaving Ori with his hand still raised.

He stood face to face with Alsatir and looked closely at him. His brown eyes were gentle but Aslatir could feel them scanning him, reading him like an open book.

'I'm sorry' he apologised and looked at his feet. He wondered if Kili was angry at him because of what he said. Maybe he didn't want it to be spoken?

'Why are you apologising?' he looked back at Kili not knowing how to answer 'I've already told each and every of you to talk about whatever's bothering you or whaterever you want to share with us. When you bottle up your fear, saddness or worries they pile up and you are carrying an useless burden on your shoulders. Just beacuse you wanted to be stubborn and pretended to be tough, not moved by anything. I told you we are just people!' Kili was upset now. He flinched as his shoulder stang him. Damn gods. They are not helpful at all. They wanted him to keep it a secret so what is that reffering to? Nevermind. Kili was pulled out of his thoughts with Alsatir's sob.

'I'm sorry…' Bongin and Floin walked over as well, their expressions showed they were listening closely to what Kili was saying.

'Damn you, Kili. You are the only one that can make me shed a tear.' Bongin punched Kili in shoulder. Fortunately, the left one, otherwise he might be punched back. Instead, Kili smiled.

'I am sorry. This is my fault, I should think twice before I say something' Balin felt guilty, he must have brought back some memories of the past.

'No, I'm sorry. I should've controlled myself' Alsatir was now calm, his eyes were still filled with tears but he seemed alright.

'Now I feel like I should apologise for something as well…' murmured Floin.

'You are such an idiot…' Kili pinched his nose.

'Maybe… Should I apologize for that, Kili?' Floin asked with a smirk.

'Do you even know what tact is?!' Kili shouted at him, upset.

That outburst was met with some chuckles which quickly transformerred into one big laugh.

Kili tried to look irritated but a small smile was playing on his lips as well.


	5. Chapter 5

_**YO readers! So, here's another update. This one is quite short (I guess?) and slower, and calmer, and basically nothing too exciting is happening but that doesn't mean it's boring, I hope. I guess, I just needed to slow the pace down a little, because writing fights, angst and drama, tho it's my fave to do should also be mixed with lighter chapters. (you wish you knew what I preparred for Erebor arc! Can't wait for them to get there but it's such a long way ughh).**_

 _ **Reviews, favourites and follows will be appreciated as always. Enjoy!**_

THE PROTECTOR

'Where do we go now? I mean, I know we're heading to your mountain but – '

'Floin, I think everybody knows what you mean' said Kili. So, that was it. He's travelling with his family and friends to Erebor.

'We need to cross Mirkwood in order to get to our destination' expalined Balin.

'We will but first I need you to visit someone. He's my old friend, a really kind one, as long as you don't upset him' Gandalf looked around at dwarves expressions. They were confused and probably wondered who he ment.

'Do you mean Beorn?'

All eyes turned to Kili, again. What bloody secrets does he hide?!

'You know him?' wizard was taken aback by it, he wasn't expecting that someone could know the skin – changer.

'We've met and I remember he lived somewhere near Mirkwood. Besides, weren't you there as well?' Kili turned to his friends. They looked at each other and shook their heads. Kili seemed disappointed but quickly changed into his bored expression as he reminded himself that they hadn't met yet, when he got to know Beorn.

'I met him on an Orc hunt' Kili noticed some shocked and confused faces so he decided to tell them about it. This wasn't some kind of a secret. 'So, I was on the hunt, saw some movement and was sent to run for it and kill it. I thought it was a deer –

… _ **13 YEARS AGO…**_

Kili was running fast, few Orcs were trying to catch – up with him but he still left them a little bit in the back. He was surprised when something flew his way. Was that… an acorn? He feverishly spun around and serached for the source of the toss. What he saw was the stragest view ever – a man who was so hairy, he could probably braid his whole body – and he was throwing acorns at him.

Their eyes met. When Kili was just about to open his mouth, Orcs came running straight into hairy giant, trying to put him down and bind. Kili just stood there and wondered if today their hunt was actually for an… ogre?

'Don't let him change!' Mourdres rapidly tried to hold that person down.

After few minutes of struggle they finally managed to put him down (with a help of some poison which puts you to sleep almost insantly). That scene actually looked ridiculus and Kili was pretty much sure that he was wearing a goofy smile, especially after some orc hit him in his side and growled.

The giant woke up after few minutes, so they applied some other mixture into him, saying that it will 'stop him from changing for some time' and forced him on his feet. Now he was walking beside Kili whose hands were already chained since the hunt ended.

'Hey, who are you?' Kili hasn't been that curious about someone in a long time, he just hoped for mister ogre to be talkative.

'I will not answer to somebody who's name I do not know' the giant sounded quite normal, he didn't shout, growl, bite or bark at Kili, to his overwhelming pleasure, since they found him in the bushes, Kili was expecting some more wildness in him.

'My name's Kili, son of Dis, nephew of - ' Kili stopped there. How long has it been since he openly addmitted it? Eh, whatever.

'Hm, alright. They call me Beorn,the skin – changer'

'Skin – changer?' Kili has heard something about them on one of the lessons he didn't sleep on. 'That's interesting.. What can you change into?'

'Bear' he stated.

' _Maybe that's where all the hair came from. It's weird that he can't hide them entirely or, I don't know, shave them?'_ Kili lost his interest in it a while later and dropped off to a casual conversation with the skin – changer, until they were both silenced by annoyed Orcs.

Beorn was a really nice man, he held his head high but respected other prisoners, as long as they respected him, of course.

He was taken to tortures quite often but his thick skin was hard to cut, that was probably the reason for tortures to happen a lot. He stayed strong and Kili grew quite fond of him. One day, right before the hunt, some drunk Orc forgot to inject the neutralizing potion but of course didn't mention that to his companions, so they set off and Beorn was slowly but evenly recovering his ability. At the very end of the hunt he could fully use it and so he did. He tried to save some other prisoners that were with him but anyone who he would free had been shot by Orcish archers. Kili wasn't there at that time but when he heard of that he was angry as hell. Do they really prefer to kill off their prisoners rather than try and catch them or just bloody let them go, cause they have right about enough of them in their dungeons.

'Well, at least Beorn managed to escape' said Kili to others. They nodded unhappily and fell silent.

… _ **NOW…**_

'Well, that is interesting' said Gandalf, looking at Kili with even more curiousity.

'I can't believe that we've never seen him' stated Bongin with disappointment clear in his voice.

'What's so unhappy about that?' Kili was irritated at the reaction. What was so exciting about seeing a hurt, caged skin – changer?

'I mean.. he was a skin – changer after all' Bongin looked down. Kili was at it again. Sometimes he would change into that grumpy dwarf who wants everything his way and wishes for people to hear his thoughts, so that they would know what to do without him saying it. He was a great leader and friend, but sometimes too strict, if you asked Bongin.

'I've only seen his animal form that one time, when Orcs were putting him off, he couldn't change anymore. You know, because of the neutralizator they injected' Kili told them how he once managed to steal one, when he punched the certain Orc but eventually he threw it away.

'Why would you ever throw something that interesting and important away?!' Alsatir considered that act of stupidity as something unforgivable.

'What was I supposed to do with it, smarty? I was in the dungeon where something like clean water was a rarity, remember?'

'Hey, ey, calm down you two' Bongin departured them and held his hands up. He remembered that was what Falamhir or Alsatir would usually do when _he_ got into any argues.

'We are calm. I am sorry, Kili. That was stupid of me' Alsatir looked down, embarrased. He was in the same situation for 12 years, no wonder 2 years before the situation at Orcs' was simillar.

'Leave it'

'So, shall we go, Gandalf?' asked Bilbo. He still wasn't familiar with realtions Colonists shared. They seemed to be quite erratic but strong. They indeed were interesting people, the hobbit had to agree with Gandalf on that. And strong of course, Bilbo kept forgeting that they went through hell with Orcs and was awed at the way they've dealt with life.

'Yes, Bilbo. Let's move on!' shouted wizard, so that everybody would hear.

'Do you think the Orcs are still following us?' Dwalin jogged closer to his brother and asked in hushed voice in order not to be heard by, for instance, Ori, who was already scared and was flinching at every loud sound.

'I'm pretty sure they are. Look, I know Azog has something to do with Thorin, and aparently Kili and his company, which puts us in a very inconvinient position. Hopefully that Beorn will help us somehow' said Balin.

'Maybe Gandalf will order him to do that!' Dwalin wasn't fond of wizard's ways to save them but one thing he was sure of was his authority among lots of folks in Middle – Earth.

'Dear brother of mine, you cannot possibly think that Gandalf the Grey can do anything he wants and tell everybody what to do as he pleases' Balin smiled sheepishly.

'Well, I bet he can do much more than we can' Dwalin huffed.

Balin chuckled. His brother was always like that.

Meanwile, Thorin was walking alongside Gandalf at the front, asking him some general questions about Beorn and not getting any particular answers, since the wizard likes to keep the best for him to see. It seemed like in Beorn's case everything was in that category.

Fili walked next to Bifur and Bofur, who were constantly joking and annoying each other or talking about their craftwork. They tried to pull young prince into the conversation but were continuously fobbed off by his short responses or quick smiles. He admitted to himself two things – he was desperate to have his brother's attention and he was jealous of the relationship Colonists shared, because they felt like a family. That was what troubled him the most. They were just some random dwarves who met in the worst place possible, shared the worst days of their lives, seen death, lived a life of tortures and misery, and here they are – stronger than anybody else. He felt great respect for them but couldn't understand lots of thing when it comes to them. Let alone Kili, who was like a new person to him – he remembered him as a playful dwarfling, quite good in something but not good enough in anything, yet he loved him like he should – that's what he thought. Looking back though, he saw how many times he brushed him off or didn't stand up to his brother. There was one time Kili was arguing with two older dwarflings who were much bigger than him. Fili walked past them and only casted a sideglance at his younger sibling. That night, Kili came back with many bruises and a bloody nose. He never told anybody what actually happened. He insisted on his version of events – falling of a tree, but Fili was sure, that wasn't the truth.

Fili straightened up and looked around to find Kili. He needed to know. Like right now. He wanted to know why those bastards beaten him back then.

'Kili! Kili! Ki – '

'What?! Soemthing's wrong?' Kili was already next to him, scanning his body for any injuries and looking around with one hand placed on his blade.

'No, No, it's not that!' Fili tried to put Kili's raised guard down a little, he didn't mean to raise an alarm but his reaction might have actually done that. 'Kili, hey! I wanted to ask you a question'

'Huh..?' Kili was put off the stroke. His brother was just screaming his name. He now says that he wanted… to ask him something? Bloody idiot. He could've just find and come to him, not confuse everybody around.

'I'm sorry, I acted inappropriately, I apologise, everyone' Fili felt ashamed, he made all of them look franticly into his direction and guessing what creature attacked them this time.

'Oh, it's alright, Fili' reassured kindly Ori.

Kili was looking wide – eyed at Fili, trying to control his anger and irritation.

'Kili, can I ask you something, then?' Fili knew he aggravated his brother, that was clear in his burning eyes.

'Yeah, just don't scream anymore' sighed Kili.

'You know, I wondered, whether you remember those two big dwarflings you were arguing with, like, 24 years ago?'

Kili was taken aback by that, if that was possible in his current state to be more shocked. He frowned.

'Which ones do you mean excatly?'

'So there've been more then just the two I'm thinking about?!' Fili was upset at how much he didn't know about his brother.

'I don't know what two you are talking about! There were so many 'big dwarflings' I've argued with through my life, how am I supposed to know that immidiately?!' Kili was getting irritated again.

'I mean that blonde one and the other one!' Kili narrowed his eyes and frowned even deeper, his face saying he still has no clue ' Oh, come on! You were standing by that old lady's house, the one who always gave us apples in autumn'

At the mention of the old lady, Kili slightly opened his mouth and recognition finally crawled into his eyes, much to Fili's relief.

'Oh, Mahal… You mean Kroun and Broun? Don't remind me of them. Those fat bastards could only steal from that old lady's garden and then sell their prey to some adults or us – kids. They were disgusting. Or maybe I should say _are_ disgusting, I think people like them never change' Kili gritted his teeth and shook his head. At the memory of those _cute little dwarflings_ his breakfast was reversing its course.

'Really?! No way' Fili was utterly shocked, they seemed like quite nice and well – behaved lads, he would have never suspected them of stealing.

'You wanna know how it happened that the old lady was bringing us the apples? It was because I once followed them in her garden, caught them red – handed and called her out. She barely caught a glimpse of them before Broun kicked me and dragged his bro with him. I threw a bucket at them and knocked Broun out. Kroun was frightened, returned the apples and ran away, carrying his brother on his back. She thanked and invited me for a cup of tea, we talked and the other day a basket of apples appeared at our door, and it went on like that until the old lady died, as you probably know' Kili was chatting about that with a glimpse of anger, especially at the mention of _the bros_ but with a warm smile when it came to the lady. Fili also noticed how changeable Kili is, tho it was a normal and natural change of emotions, he pointed himself out.

'So, you were arguing with them about not stealing the apples?'

'Bassically. I took a different route that day and I was too scared to punch them back, so I was the only one to be beaten up' Kili spitted these words 'Two days later, they came back home covered in purple and red as well' Kili smiled mischievously and a glimpse lit in his eye.

Fili looked at him unsure, Kili must have noticed the stare and quickly laughed.

'Don't worry, I was just repaying to them. You know, to get my honour back and stuff' Kili winked.

Fili laughed at that. They spent the rest of their time just talking about some friends of theirs. The older brother was glad that his sibling didn't end their conversation right after answering his question but stayed with him to chat. That ment a world to him.

Kili wasn't sure how he felt about their chatting. It was alright but not right. He was still angry at Fili and knowing himself, that feeling won't go away quickly. He didn't even want that, since his aversion to his family was well – deserved and he didn't want them to just get away with it and forget about everything that happened between them. That being clear, he wasn't sure if their conversation was fair to Fili, because he might think too much of it and have a distorted vision on how their relations look. He decided to break it soon, but do it as naturally as possible.

'You know, I'm gonna go to my friends now, I don't know if it's sensible to leave Bongin and Floin only with peaceful Alsatir. You already know what pain they can be' Kili tried his best to make it sound casual and funny. It worked, Fili chuckled and told him to go to them.

Kili turned and waited for his friends to catch up with him.

'So, how was it?' asked Alsatir.

'It was okey' Kili changed to his usual, realxed and bored expression, which he always wore next to people he felt most comfortable with, beacuse they knew that he wasn't ignoring them, it was just his casual way of being. Actaually he wore it before lots of people in general but this little 'ignoring' thing was obvious only for his friends.

'We are here!' annouced Gandalf.

'Phew, and we didn't run into any orc bastards!' Dwalin breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed a little.

'Don't let your guard down just yet, Beorn might not be in the merriest mood' warned Gandalf and looked across his companions expressions. They were wary, except for one. Kili, of course. _He seems to feel really comfortable with the skin – changer_ thought Gandalf and smiled, satsfied.

'Kili, you are coming with me to greet our posssible new host' Kili's expression didn't change, he casually walked to Gandalf, talked with him for a little while, then they both nodded their heads, smiled at each other, told the company to enter through the gate with them and then wait. They assured, that they will take care of the rest.

'So, off we go!' smiled Floin, who was excited to meet the skin – changer himself.


	6. Chapter 6

'Say, Kili, what do you think about Beorn being our new host for some time?' Gandalf wasn't sure about skin – changer's reaction to several dwarves staying at his house, since he wasn't keen on that particular race. Truth to be told, he was glad Kili knew him already and seemed to like him as well. That meant that they had ace up their sleeves. It was logical decision to take Kili with him. He also wondered about taking Bilbo in, but the hobbit turned pale like snow at the mention of big man turning into an even bigger bear, so wizard decided to spare his friend's nerves, or what was left of them.

'I wonder… From what I remember he doesn't necessarily like dwarves.' Kili looked up to Gandalf with expression saying 'but you have forgotten to mention that, no?' and shook his head.

Gandalf smiled mysteriously. 'You seem to be well informed. True, I was aware. If I told the company about that, Thorin will turn on his heel and, led by his pride, enter orcs open hands, just to avoid asking for help somebody, who would need a good reason to help.'

Kili sighed. He wanted to say something, but Beron's horses noticed them, whinned and run straight to where his house was. Gandalf and Kili looked at each other and decided to speed up, they didn't want to alarm Beorn as if there were some murderes outside, coming at his door.

'Beorn! Welcome, my friend! Remember me? I'm Gandalf the Grey.'

'Gandalf? That wizard? It's been some time.' A huge person appeared in front of them. He was wearing only some trousers and boots, his dark hair and beard were messy. One of the horses, which run to him, was now standing next to that man as he was patting it.

'Indeed.' Gandalf smiled, relieved that Beorn remembers him and, apparently, has rather good memories concerning him.

'And that dwarf?' Beron took some steps towards Kili, narrowing his eyes as if he was the size of an ant. And then… 'I know you! How was that… Kiri? No, wait. It was either Keli or Kali…' Beorn scratched his head and looked at him.

'Again, huh? You think that because I'm smaller than you, you can play a game of 'I don't remember somebody I can barely see' every time we meet?' Kili seemed irritated and curled his fist, raising it to the level of his chin. Gandalf observed the situation and wondered if their realtions were as Kili described before. But then Beorn bursted out laughing.

'You're a jittery little thing, aren't ya?' Beorn seemed to enjoy the view of Kili's shaking form and angry expression. He smiled at the dwarf. 'Good to see you alive.'

Kili snorted but smiled evenly. 'Yeah, good to see you, too.'.

'I'm sorry for interrupting' Gandalf, now certain that Kili and Beorn _are_ friends, decided to speak up. 'but we have a request, a big one, actually.'

Beorn stared at Gandalf, waiting for the wizard to speak. He casted Kili a quick glance, but his expression was already dull.

'We are in need of some place to stay, for one or two nights.'

'That's alright, come in!' Beorn was optimistic about them staying. He wanted to ask Kili some questions and just basically talk with him. That wizard will be no trouble. 'Wait…' Now, Beorn memorized, his horses told him about a dozen or so people waiting at the gate. There are only the two of them, which means… 'How many 'yous' do you mean excatly?'

'Just us and 15 dwarves. Oh, and one hobbit.' Kili mentioned it as if it was just a small group of quiet people, not over a dozen of noisy dwarves. And one nice hobbit, of course.

'That changes the situation a little…' Beorn's expression was now stern and his eyes moved from Kili to Gandalf with a heavy glance.

'Not really. I mean, just in numbers. Look, Beorn, we need help. Orcs are following us and we need to rest. We thought that maybe, since you have some experience with Orcs' standards of living, maybe you will be able to show us your good side and give a hand. It's not like we planned to use your house as a tavern since the very beggining. It's some kind of emergency, you see.' Kili explained. Gandalf smiled, he was satisfied with Kili's skills. He indeed owns attributes of a leader.

'Kili…' Beorn shook his head, puzzled. He wasn't keen on dwarves, Kili was some kind of exception, he didn't seem to be occupied by thoughts of wealth and gold like dwarves he's met before, but who knows what kind of dwarves were the others?

'Best way to decide is for you to ask questions, we shall answer and you will have a clear vision on the situation.' Gandalf offered.

'Who are those dwarves?' Bilbo was seemed to be forgotten by Beorn, he was more interested in the other race.

Kili looked at Gandalf and nodded, so that the wizard will speak, not him. His bitter feelings towards them could make him say something inconvenient.

'It's company of Thorin Oakenshield. It contains his nephew Fili and most trusted friends'

'Oakenshield?' Beorn asked with unclear tone. Kili rapidly started to memorize wheteher he didn't tell him something really bad about Thorin back then, but couldn't find such thing.

'That's right.'

Beorn crossed arms on his chest and sighed.

'Say, Kili, what should I do?' Beorn looked directly at him. He wanted to see if Kili was close to them. He was good at controlling his face and emotions, Beorn knew, but skin – changer was good at reading people. His race was very observant, since they learned to do that with animals, which don't even speak.

'If I say that you should help us, would you do that?' Kili knew about Beorn being observant, in dungeons he was the first one to help with some mental issues other prisoners had. ' _Big body, big heart'_ thought Kili. Anyway, the answer was so clear it made him wonder why Beorn asked him that.

'I'm sure you would've told me not to let them in if you had a good reason. Even if they were your friends but could be any danger to me, you would tell me.' stated Beorn. They had some experience with that…

Kili looked into Beorn's eyes. In his head he was asking him _'What on Earth, Beorn?'_. 'Say, Beorn, do you think I'm travelling with people who want your head?'

Beorn looked at Kili. In his eyes there was trust but also some wariness. Even though they only knew each other for a few years, he felt darkness inside his friend. And now that feeling was more intense than ever.

'I do not.' He answered. It was sincere. To be precise, he _hoped_ his friend is controling his demons but now that he saw him, he was sure they need to talk. First, he needs to observe him a little.

'So be it' Beorn stated. 'I invite you to stay at my house, all of you' Beorn reached his hand out and Kili shook it. He was taken aback by Beorn's sudden change in mind.

'I'll tell the others' said Gandalf before setting off. Skin – changer may play an important role in what's coming, it's good to won him over to being their ally.

… _ **A FEW HOURS LATER…**_

It was evening. Dwarves got to know Beorn. Thorin, though reluctantly, told their host about their plan to reclaim Erebor. Skin – changer was not keen on the idea itself but deep in his heart knew, they won't back away, especially now. He knew the story of Thror, who went down with gold sickness. Thorin seemed certain about his actions and reasons for them, and assured Beorn that all he cares for is to get back home for his people. Gold? Of course, but the aim is their homeland itself. And that's what Erebor is for him, not a treasury. All dwarves were nodding during his speech, proud of their King's aim. Of course, they all shared it.

'My people are my main concern. What King wolud I be, if I didn't listen to them? I must provide them with wealth and a real home'

'I listen to them, they are bricks to build our city. If there was no trust among us, there may be riots or other actions against my leadership. I don't need nor want that. I want to be somebody who will be a sign of hope and strength for them. I want them to trust me.' were some of Thorin's words.

After dinner, they called it a night and fell asleep.

Everybody but Kili, he was still awake. He was thinking about Thorin's words. In his eyes, his uncle was a merciless tyrant. He was taking his anger and stress on Kili. He never respected him. He was never proud of him. Thinking about it makes Kili feel weird. Especially now. He saw how Thorin treated everybody else. And he treated them well. Not once did Kili wonder what was so wrong about him that his uncle didn't accept him. Then, he had that memorable conversation with his mother. He thought that knowing the reason for his attitude towards him will somehow make it easier for him, maybe he will be able to solve that problem. But finding out that he was hated for being born was… like a blow straight to his heart. Like his mother put a burning sword through it, slowly turning it around in his wound. He didn't react back then. He was numb. Now that he thinks of it, he still has no idea what he would, or actually, what he should have done or said. That made it even harder to look at his family. Kili started to shut them all out. He didn't want to come back home, he even dropped training. Of course, it met with Thorin's fury and he started to train again. This time it was all he was doing. He was exhausted, felt dizzy but didn't stop until he either lost consciousness or was called back home for the hundredth time. Then, he realized it was insane and wrong, so he found his balance again. But that one evening kept coming back to him, everytime he found some peace, anxiety was creeping into his heart like a painful needle, he couldn't find his equanimity. Even now he is reliving that moment. They're on a quest and here he is, pitying over himself. It didn't come out of nowhere, Thorin's speech caused it. Just the thought that he had been a burden for his family. The thought of them keepeing him only beacuse they couldn't bring themselves to throw him away. And now the gossips, that was such a ridiculus idea to turn him into a coward. His mother told him, she wanted to learn to love him. That ceratinly wasn't the right way to do it. _Stop it, you idiot. Pull yourself together._ he repeatedly told himself. When Colonists asked him to take the role as a leader, he couldn't sleep for few nights. He wondered, how someone so broken could ever become the most important persona for his people. If it wasn't for his closest friends, he would have rejected the proposition. They pointed out why he should become one, they reminded him of what he'd done until that time. That somehow nullified his hatred for himself. He talked with his friends. There were even times when he was utterly happy, like his whole past just didn't exist. But they were just mere moments. Few months ago, he started crying. Just out of nowhere, he burst into tears, uncontrollable sobs were escaping his lips. He was alone in his room, crying in his hands like a child. He felt more alone then ever, he felt more hatred to himself than ever, all his negative emotions and thoughts were bottled up and they decided that they've reached their limit. Time passed by and he was still crying. Images, words were running through his head, he could see them with his own eyes. Then he stopped sobbing. Tears dried on his face. He felt the change was already happening. He felt pain in his shoulder, it felt like it was on fire. He knew he can't back down. _That_ conversation entered his mind, clear and loud as if he was there again. In that weird place. It was quiet. And he heard them. He heard about his demons, again. He was warned, again. He felt that numbness, again. His eyes started to focus again. ' _So it is done. It finally accepted me. Tch, awesome'_ he thought ironically. After that time he felt that burden upon his shoulders all the time. Changes were made. He felt sorrow. He feltpain. But he never cried again. Even if he wanted, he couldn't.

'Are you awake?' Kili opened his eyes, he didn't realize he shut them.

'Beorn? What is it?'

'Care to talk?' Beorn smiled slightly at Kili and reached his hand out. Kili took it and Beorn pulled him up. Skin – changer nodded his head towards the door and Kili nodded back. They cautiously and quietly went around dwarves and hobbit sleeping on the floor and went out.

'How are you doing?' Beorn turned his concerned stare at Kili. It didn't escape his keen eyes that his friend was dealing with something more than worrying about Orcs. He seemed different.

'I'm sleepy.' Kili wasn't stupid. He noticed how closely Beorn observed his behaviour. He didn't want to keep his face dull as usual. Actually, he was tired of it. He knew that someone like Beorn will see through him. It was his decision to take the risk of taking the mask off. His thoughts started to become a little too much for him. And the Protector was worrying him. Such power should've been given to somebody else…

'If.. If there's anything you need, always come to me.' Beorn was the skin – changer. He appeared to be a rough and dangerous person. In truth, he cared for his friends more than any other person. He might be scary at first, but he would jump into fire for his friends. Kili knew him for a short time but it felt like ages. They went along really well and trusted each other, without any special reason.

'Same for you.' assured Kili.

'Kili.' it made Kili look at him. Beorn said it strongly and sternly 'You are not honest with me. I want you to talk, stop doing what you're doing and answer me like a normal person.'

Kili opened his mouth and closed it almost immediately.

'What excatly do you mean?' Kili was trying to buy his rushing thoughts some time. If Beorn notices something, he always wants it clear. No stupid explanations, excuses or avoiding the genesis of the problem.

'Don't play that game with me, Kili. You are hurting yourself by keeping everything in. I know it's tough to talk about what pains you but you have to do it. Swallow your pride because, trust me, there is _no pride_ in shutting yourself from everybody. You are destroying yourself by doing it. And hurting those who care about you'

Beorn was staring at Kili. He was sure that was the deal, he saw Kili hiding so many things inside. If you look closely at a person, you see it. When they think that nobody's looking, they are distant, their eyes are absent, you could practically see their thoughts rushing through their heads. Beorn's family taught him to always share his worries with them. His father repeatadely reminded him not to bottle everything up. Since they, skin – changers, are closer to following their instintcs, they found it easier to share their sorrows with each other. They learned to let the emotions evaporate and then they got up stronger, with light heart. Beorn felt the need to teach it to Kili, otherwise his friend's biggest problem won't be Orcs or the Dragon but his own soul.

'Beorn… You can't expect me to tell you anything… When nothing is wrong' Kili was picking his words cautiously but it was getting harder for him, his mind was clouded and thoughts were rapidly running through his head. He managed to crack a smile but it was so weak, no one would fall for it.

'Do you think of me as your friend? Someone you can trust with your life?'

Kili managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes. That was such an old trick, to invoke the relations.

'Yes, Beorn. Do not ever doubt it.'

'Then tell me, please, what worries you that much? What makes you unable to sleep?'

 _Me. I made myself unable to sleep long ago. If I were stronger, everything would have been different._

'Kili?' Beorn put his hand on Kili's shoulder.

Kili couldn't bring himself to answer. It was so painful to admit –

'Release it.' Kili looked at Beorn. 'Don't abuse yourself. I always thought of you as someone strong enough to do anything. Ironic, how we can't see somebody's suffering when they are right under our noses.'

Kili didn't say anything, he stared into darkness in front of him.

'I apologize. I am sorry for not being able to back you up. I only thought of our tough moments concerning Orcs but never realized –'

'Stop it. You are not my father. You weren't given a task to look after me.'

'That is what friends do, too. Not only fathers.' Beorn felt somehow offended by Kili's words. He –

'You are living in a world of misery and it's your own choice. You chose not to share your sorrows with others. That is just wrong, Kili! Someone like you, someone who has been trough so much, need friends. You are being selfish now. Look at how it pains me to see you in pain, and it's just been few hours since we met. I can't imagine how helpless you other friends and family feels…' Beorn was speaking from his heart. He felt anger and empathy at once. He decided to turn his gaze back at Kili.

He was just standing there, unmoving, he didn't even blink. Beorn's words were echoing in his head. _Selfish, pains me, pains your friends, helpless, friends, family…_ He tried his best not to worry them, he created perfect masks not to show his inner pain, he joked around and fulfilled his duties as a leader. All that just to take any possible burden off his friends shoulders. And now… Did he really put them through so much pain? He's like a blight to their souls but they are still with him...

Beorn wasn't sure what to do now. He finally told Kili how he felt. He managed to point him out his mistake of shutting himself. Looking at him now, he wasn't sure if he didn't just make things worse. Kili seemed smaller, as if everything hit him with a full blow.

Minutes were passing as the deafening silence stretched between them.

'Kili, please, say something.' Beorn was out of anger, now only sick concern filled his guts. He has never seen Kili like that. He got really pale, half – closed his eyes, lips were curled downwards. The skin – changer regretted is words. He should have known that making him face with brutal truth might not be the best idea. He saw how worried and clutched in his pain the dwarf was and now he just added his few silver cents to it.

'I -' Kili started with a small voice. 'I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I did it because…' he couldn't finish. There is no way to justify his actions. He screwed up. First with his family, then in the Orcs' dungeons and now with his friends. He was a failure. No matter what he decided to do, it ended up at least bad. He found out he will never be loved by his family and turned on, unaware of the situation, Fili, he did something he will never forgive himself in dungeons and now he failed to be a good friend. No matter how he acts, what he does or says, he is wrong, as if the God has made him just to have fun and create a walking calamity. How plesant, now he only needs to team up with Azog and his life would be the best definition of disaster.

Suddenly, the idea of joining Azog's forces made him chuckle. It turned into a humourless laugh. Beorn was taken aback by his friend's sudden change of mood. When Kili stopped he turned his head to look at Beorn, his eyes dark.

'I did it because I'm not worth to be your friend, all of yours. I don't know how to be a good friend. I have no idea what you expect me to do. But one thing you can be sure of –' Kili stopped for few seconds as Beorn's concern only grew 'I am not going to tell you anything.'

With those words, Kili left shocked skin – changer alone.

 _No matter what, I cannot let them in. They can hate me but I will never allow them to enter the darkness… Darkness I myself created. Darkness, which became my new home long ago._


	7. Chapter 7

… _ **THE NEXT MORNING…**_

Everybody was sitting by the dining table, eating breakfast and chatting.

'And then I lost him. And then he jumped on me from behind, but I spun around and pierced him with my sword and then –'

'Oh, do one. You are not capable of such things. All you would do, if that Orcs attacked you, is running away and crying out for help!' Bongin laughed at Floin's dream.

'Pft, you mean that's what you would do! Do I need to remind you of that time when –'

'Did you just make a decision to end your life earlier than nature planned for ya?' viciously spat Bongin.

'Why, Mahal, why me?' Alsatir was rubbing his forehead, he was already done with them. And it was just around 9 o'clock.

Thorin was looking around the table. He was satisfied with Beorn being their host and wondered how long should they stay. When he wanted to talk to Gandalf about that, the wizard said it's all up to him and their host's patience. He casted a glance at Beorn. He seemed to be relaxed and wasn't really bothered by his loud guests. Right now, he was chatting with Balin.

On the other hand, they can't stay for much longer, it's nice, of course, but time is ticking. They don't know how much time the rest of their journey will require, so it is reasonable to leave in no longer than 1 or 2 days. His company should be ready and well – rested. As he looked at his people, he noticed one of his nephew's looking worse than yesterday. Kili was pale and had dark circles around his eyes. Nevertheless, he was active in his conversation with Colonists. They laughed together and he even managed to hit Bongin in his head for something. Thorin's eyes then turned to Fili. He noticed the blonde dwarf was casting a side glance at Kili every now and then. Thorin sighed. The blonde prince felt shovn away from his brother. His uncle tried to talk to him about Kili's behaviour but Fili didn't want to listen. If he wants to, then he will be bothered by it until either Kili decides to finally treat him like his brother or tell him to back off, for good. That relation requires time to settle. Throin was thinking about that and remembered, that his sitation with Kili is no better, but… He is not concerned, that's not a place to get all emotional or sentimental. Thorin sighed again and started his conversation with Dwalin and Gloin, trying to shove his troubling thoughts away.

… _ **TWO DAYS LATER…**_

That day, after breakfast, Thorin annouced that they are leaving in few hours. He decided not to go immediately. He still needed to thank their host, besides that early in the morning he would only listen to a bunch of unhappy murmurs coming from displeased dwarves. He turned around to find Beorn. He finally spotted him by the fireplace. Next to him was Kili. The two seemed to be quite distant with each other yesterday, but now everything seemed to be back to normal. Thorin was unsure of what to do. On the one hand, the quicker he thanks and exchanges 'nice' words with Beorn, the earlier they will set off. On the other hand, he wasn't sure whether his neph – whether Kili won't do something inconvenient. He finally decided to go to them. When he will become King, he would have to face other people, most likely more important people, with Kili nearby as his nephew, should he decide to stay with them. Not that Thorin wanted that to happen… But just in case. Small talk, then dropping to the matter.

'May I interrupt?' he asked politely. There was no point to be rude towards Beorn, especially since he was such a good host.

'I'll go.' Kili said.

'You can stay, I guess there won't be any confidential matters, not from you.' assured Beorn.

'That's alright. I need to pack, after all. And I left some idiots without guard. You don't wanna know what happens if it stays that way for long.' Kili winked.

Beorn lauged and patted Kili with so much strength he nearly collapsed.

'You should learn how to control you strength. Otherwise, you may accidentaly kill somebody…' said Kili after returning to standing position. Beorn laughed again.

'So, I'll excuse myself.' With these words Kili left the circle.

'So, what is it, Thorin Oakenshield?' Beorn reminded himself of company's leader standing and waiting for his turn to speak.

'I wanted to thank you for your hospitality. I know we might have been some trouble but your help was beyond –'

'Thank you is enough.' Beorn stated. He was serious, he didn't need many words, he was a simple man when it came to this kind of stuff. Or any other stuff, actually.

'Thank you, then.' Thorin smiled.

'There is no way for me to talk you out of this reclaiming Erebor idea, right?'

'I am afraid there's not.' Thorin was stubborn and Beorn realised that he won't change his plans, no matter what arguments he will present.

'If so, all I can say is come back in one piece. And Oakenshield' Beorn's expression turned very serious 'don't you dare make that boy look at more misery and darkness than he has to. He's had enough of it.'

'I'm sure he has…' Thorin casted a glnace at Kili, unsure of what he actually thinks of the boy, cause who he _thinks_ he considers him as, may be different from the truth.

'Either way, I wish yall luck.'

'Thank you. We sure will need loads of it.' Thorin and Beorn shook their hands.

… _ **FEW HOURS LATER…**_

Gandalf convinced Beorn to lend dwarves his horses. They all had to promise not to hurt them in any way and let them come back home as soon as they reach Mirkwood. They set off quickly, not to waste any more time.

After an hour or so they reached the edge of Mirkwood.

'We need to send those horses back to their owner. You just need to thank them and they will come back home on their own' stated Gandalf. While they were riding, Lady Galadriel's voice echoed in his head, calling him for a very important meeting. He had to go.

'Good luck then, I'll be leaving as well.' Gandalf smiled. Of course, his words were met with dwarves' protests.

'What does that mean, wizard?! Weren't you suppposed to go with us?!' Dwalin was losing his temper, as usual.

'That was my plan, but I have a matter of urgency. It is something I cannot say no to. My sincere apologies.'

Thorin, angry at their guide, decided to talk to him in private and, maybe, convince him to stay. Though he was pretty sure that people Gandalf got his orders from, were more powerful and meaningful than him.

In the end, as they all predicted, Gandalf left them with some words of advice. What use will they be in Mirkwood, though?

'Fine. We don't need that pathetic piece of wizard…' Thorin mumbled to himself as they entered the forest.

'What a pain in the ass that wizard is!' complained Bongin 'He could have left us anytime, but now?! Why, on Earth, he had to leave right now?!'

'Why won't you think about that in silence? You'll lure all creatures out with your high – pitched voice!' bit back Kili. They looked at each other with irritation.

'Well, at least that closed them both.' sighed Alsatir.

'Oh, don't speak as if you weren't upset.' Murmured Kili, Bongin mumbled in agreement.

'Is your way of handeling the situation better, my leader?' ironically asked Floin.

Kili just sighed and rolled his eyes. _They are probably right. As a leader I cannot let my emotions control my actions._ Kili casted a side glance at them. _Though I can see how upset they all are as well_ he thought to himself.

As they continued their journey through Mirkwood, air seemed to get heavier and thicker, road seemed to be never – ending and they felt more exhausted then they should have, regarding dwarves stamina. Bilbo was on the edge of passing out, since hobbits were doing less work which challenged their strength. Pretty much none, to be precise.

'We need to stop.' Stated Thorin. Company looked at him but didn't protest, they all felt drained out.

'I'll take the first watch.' Oakenshield looked up. He noticed that Kili was doing quite well, compared to everybody else. He was tired but his senses seemed to be sharper than usual.

'Fine, pick somebody else. I will not allow you to do that alone, it's too dangerous and uncertain in here.' Thorin looked around the 'camp' and decided 'Nori, you will go on a watch with Kili!'.

Though reluctantly, Nori got up and walked towards Kili and Thorin.

… _ **MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT…**_

Nori sat on the other side of the camp. He was looking at Kili. He knew how tired he must have been, yet he willingly offered to keep watch. Why? Does he think others aren't capable of protecting the company?

'Why don't you just ask?'

Nori jumped a little, surprised to find Kili glaring at him with his usual dull expression.

'Ask? Ask what..?' he felt he was blushing a little, caught while glancing at Kili rather than looking around for any sings of enemies.

'Whatever you're wondering about. I sure have my secrets, as you all have alredy noticed, but it doesn't mean that you have to watch your words around me and treat me like I was made of glass or, I don't know, be afraid to ask me anything. I'm not soulless or something like that. Nor do I bite, shout or kill for talking to me. I know other ways of expressing my emotions, really.'

'I..' Nori was confused. _Was_ he afraid to talk to Kili? No! Why was he so wary towards him then?

Kili sighed.

'Look, I don't know what you have heard about me, what rumours reached your ears, but, trust me, the best way to know the truth is to ask at the source.' Kili was staring at him with his piercing gaze. Nori felt a little uneasy.

'I just.. I don't want you to go away.'

Kili widened his eyes in confusion and surprise. Before Nori knew, words started escaping his lips.

'I know you and Thorin have complicated relations, same goes with Fili. I think I'm just afraid, no, we all afraid to ask you something which could possibly cause you to go away. Fili is hurting beacuse of your reluctance and we all are caught in this conflict between you and Thorin. We can't take any positions, because we don't know much about it. That passivity angers and tires us. We see you everyday, but we don't know what to say or do. Your tensed realtions affect all of us, not to mention we already are quite drained mentally.' Nori looked back at Kili with a strong gaze, waiting for him to answer.

But the answer wasn't coming any time soon. So they sat there, silent.

'What do want you to know? Or rather, what do you want me to do about this situation?' Kili's stare just turned into ice and Nori felt shiver run down his spine, but he decided to listen to Kili and braced himself to answer.

'What to do, Kili. That is all we want to know. And about you… I just want you to get along with others, especially with your family. As your elder, I got to give you this life advice: always treasure those who care about you, for they can leave you in a blink of an eye, and you won't even get a chance to thank them or say goodbye.' Nori looked mostly tired but still, little hope was flickering in his eyes, hope that maybe Kili will think his words through.

'Look, Nori… I know something about losing those we care about and, believe me, I know the importance of entrusted people in our lives. I just can't… I don't feel…' Kili couldn't put his thoughts into words. _What do I actually want to say? That my family is definetely not more important to me than these freaks I met few years ago? He's said they are tired with this sitation, but so am I. I'm tired of being surrounded by people who chose to treat me as a child of misfortune or some trash kid, who is the biggest mistake in their lives. Having heard my mother saying she hated me… The thing that my uncle was never proud of me…_ At that thought Kili chuckled. 'Say Nori, do you think I am spoiled?'

Nori was taken aback by that question. What's that sudden change of topics.

'How would I know… I mean… Am I really the person who should answer that question?'

'I do not think you are, Nori.'

'Oh, so now I will listen to you, huh? What smart things do you wanna share with me?' asked Kili ironically.

Thorin walked towards Kili, until their faces were inches away for each other.

'What I want to share? Oh, I can tell you. You are spoiled. You think you can treat your family like some trash, have no respect to your elders, me especially. I may have not been your dream uncle, but I gave you a roof you could live under, as well as food, clothes and other basics. You have never been satisfied, though, have you? What were you expecting from me, huh? I know Dis told you about your father, I know she told you what she felt towards you, but can you really blame her? I cannot. I myself have felt this way. And when you escaped, I felt like a huge burden was taken off my shoulders. Yes, I am not afraid to say that! Had you not been born, my family would have been happier and, most importantly, full! But of course, due to your unplanned apperance, which by the way seems to be you habit since your birth, Dis's husband left her. And me and your brother, we had to pick up the broken pieces of that woman we love so much. To this day I am surprised she hadn't thrown you away and decided to actually carry that burden of an unwanted child who destroyed her life!'

Those words were followed by silence. It stretched and stretched and stretched…

'Thorin… what is wrong with you?'

Thorin spun around on his heel, wobbling and searching for the source of the voice, only to see that everybody is awake and looking at him wide-eyed, with mixed expressions.

'The hell was that supposed to be?' Bongin's voice was low and dangerous, his eyes flashing with anger.

Thorin shook his head and rubbed his eyes, he couldn't believe he just shouted all these words straight into Kili's face. He turned back to face his nephew and apologise, only for his face to meet with Kili's fist. He fell to the ground and coughed, as all the thick air left his lunges.

'I know what I am, alright?' Kili drawled this words through clenched teeth.

Dwarves eyes turned from Kili, to laying Thorin and back to Kili. Those who saw his expression, wished they hadn't.

''Kili, I… I don't know why I saiid alll of thii' Thorin's tounge seemed to be lose in his mouth, he couldn't force it to work propely and form words.

'It's okay.'

Kili's expression changed. There was this dull face again, even though, seconds ago, it was filled with raw pain.

'What was that supposed to be, bastard?! You dare to talk to my brother like that?!' Fili stormed at Thorin, stood over him and, repeatedly, cursed at him.

Other dwarves' attitude changed as well. Some picked fights with others, Gloin and Oin hugged each other, Nori was arguing with trees around him and Bilbo was looking at his feet as if there didn't belong to him.

Kili blinked rapidly. Suddenly, well-known pain in his right shoulder appeared and cleared his head entirely. _**Hello, are you there?**_ _Oh, guess who invaded my head again?_ _ **There is no time for your irony. I guess you can already tell what is happening to all of you, since you've experienced it before.**_ _Yeah, it's Mirkowood's cursed or poisoned air or something like that._ _ **Precisely. You should move quickly if you don't want to be swallowed by this forest's madness.**_ _How am I supposed to get them out of this delusion-thing? Hello? God-like creatures who appear in my head whenever they wish? Oh, so you don't have an answer._

Kili stopped calling for Them and focused back on dwarves around him. He didn't have time to think of bringing them back to normal, though. From his left he heard rustling. _This can be no good._ A moment after he heard branches cracking from his left, a huge spider run out of the bushes and towards Thorin and Fili, now laying on the ground, awkwardly punching each other. Kili jumped to them swiftly and, with one big swing, sliced spider's head in two. It still moved, so he chopped him into the smallest pieces he could, until he noticed another spider running from opposite direction. And after him another one. And another. And now he lost count. He screamed at his friends, shook them in order to bring them back but they looked as if they were in Neverland and had no intention in coming back to reality. Well, reality sucked, so Kili could kinda understand their attitude. _Wait! No! I do not understand it. It is not normal. Do not think it is. I do not want to be like them._ He kept on convincing himself, but still drifted away enough to be surprised by a spider who caught his leg and now was dragging him into the bushes.

'Shit! Let go, you hairy eight-legged, disgusting –'

'It's beautiful!' Kili quickly released himself from spider's grip and looked at the source of these unfitting words. He found Floin hugging spider's leg as it tried to put its venom into him. Kili was about to run to him but… _**It is pointless and you know it.**_ _You mind not telling me obvious stuff but for once actually help me?! By the way, I am in real hurry right now, so be quick!_ _ **You should use your power. It might help your friends. They might come back to their normal selves.**_

Kili was pretty much out of breath, he had to run beteween fiteen dwarves and a hobbit, slice loads of spiders and focus on not falling for Mirkwood's delusional air. _Fine, just tell me, how do I do it?_ _ **There is no way to –**_

Kili collapsed on spider's corpse. It took him some time to get up, since he felt really dizzy. He swung his sword blindly around himself but it didn't reach anything. Spiders realized he is the toughest target, so they were avoiding him and went for attacking the defenseless ones. _Hey, tell me now, before I lose my focus again!_ _ **What I wanted to say, is that there is no spell or anything to activate it. I cannot believe I have to go through this again…**_ _Go through what?_ _ **Expalining it to you. Beacuse your mind is clouded due to Mirkowood's air, you seem to have forgotten how to use your power…**_ Kili run away from a huge spider and kneeled down. _Please, just tell me what to do!_ He franticly looked around and realized he cannot go on like that for much longer. At first it seemed there are only few spiders but now it is obvious there are many, many more. No matter how quickly he slaughters them, for one dead spider come three alive ones. _**Focus on your soul.**_ _How do I do that?!_ _ **I knew that is impossible… It cannot be achieved without –**_ _Can't you activate it for me?!_ _ **Actually… It is doable bu –**_ _THEN WHY HADN'T YOU DONE IT YET?!_ Kili was now on edge, he knew that if it goes one like that, they will all be posioned and then eaten by those creatures. _**It is risky for you.**_ _Fighting with six spiders on my own is even more risky! Do it!_ _ **Fine.**_ The world stopped. Kili couldn't move his body. Suddenly, his heart started beating rapidly, his body shivered as if he was cold, yet he could feel warmth spreading thorugh his body. And then, he felt as if his heart stopped, his whole body ached and his head felt as if it was about to explode. But his friends were, more or less, free from delusional air. Having become aware of their surroundings, they took very first weapon next to themselves and fought back. _At last._ Kili smiled gently to himself. _**Can you hear me?**_ _Yeah. Thank you, they are back._ _ **I am still not sure whether that was the right decision to make.**_ _But I feel fine…_

'What is that?!' Kili spun his head in Bofur's direction. Elder's hat was hanging from the tree, pierced with an arrow.

'Everyone, gather around, do not leave any empty spaces between you! And fight!' Thorin ordered.

All dwarves formed a circle. Apart from Kili. He was standing in the middle of the fight, unaware of his surroundings. He was looking into blank space with horror-filled eyes.

 _ **MEMORY ILLUSION***_

 _Elves were interrogating some kind of driad. The forest was so clean, you could see sun shine through trees' crowns. It would be very peaceful if driad's screams weren't piercing the air like sharp daggers. Her pain was the only thing Kili could hear. He saw Elves move their lips but couln't make out a single word. He tried to look closely on their uniforms in order to, at least, know which elves these were. He was walking slowly towards them…_

… _ **NOW…**_

'Watch out!' Suddenly in front of Kili's face, instead of a bunch of unknown elves, there was a huge spider. He knew he won't be able to dodge creature's blow, so he focused on falling to the ground in the most convinient way possible. Although, he didn't consider his enemy falling onto him motionlessly. Spider crushed him, he felt air escaping his lungs. The black creature was still twitching, until… It got few more arrows in its head. The same arrows Bofur found in his hat moments ago. The same arrows Kili himself used to shoot.

'Well, look what we have here…' Legolas stared at dwarven company with smirk of amusement on his face. 'Do you mind coming for a visit at my Father's Realm?' he looked at the ground to see which dwarf was foolish enough to walk straight into the spider. His eyes widened in surprise.

'Are you just gonna stare at me?'

Dwarves' weapons changed their aim from spiders to elves but all of their eyes landed on this particular blonde one, who was looking at Kili as if he was some incredible animal species he's seen for the first time in his life.

And then Legolas chuckled.

'As long as you do not ask for help' he titled his head to the side and looked at brown-eyed dwarf with amusement.

'Screw you.' Kili kicked himself out from spider's body and made the most disgusted face he was capable of.

Legolas looked down and bowed his head, to which Kili answered with the same motion. Dwarves jaws dropped. Both Colonists and Oakenshield's company didn't understand the situation. Thorin, who, after all, was the 'main' leader of both groups, stepped to the front, yet he didn't lower his weapon.

'Thorin Oakenshield!' red-haired elf noticed him first, for Legolas seemed to be occupied by Kili's presence, Mahal knows why. Or maybe even he doesn't know the reason.

'I pressume we both know each other, Prince Legolas.' Thorin's tone was stern, prideful and tensed. His posture loudly spoke about his appurtenance and made other elves back a little, to let the two talk.

'I do not think we have ever met before, Thorin Oakenshield.' Answered Legolas. 'But I think you and my dear Father share history, so it might be a good idea to bring you to him, so that you can talk. And explain why you stepped into our Realm in the first place.'

'You consider whole Mirkwood as your Realm?' Fili asked. 'We were following a path leading us out of the forest, not into your Kingdom.'

'You must have gone off it, then.' Legolas looked around at dwarves with curious and cold stare which was even colder due to the blue colour of his eyes.

'How so? We definetely stopped right next to it to set a camp.'

'Is that so?' this time prince's gaze turned to Kili who paid no attention to their conversation. He was looking at spiders' corpses in an exploratory way.

'If you really need to take us to King Thranduil for explaination, please do it, we do not intend to lose a lot of time here.' Stated Thorin.

'As you please.' Legolas bowed a little and ordered his subordinates to hand cuff dwarves together 'All but him' he bowed his head towards Kili who, still, seemed unaware of the whole situation.

'Yes, Sir!' as elves were fulfiling their orders, the blonde elf walked back to Kili's side.

'So we meet again'

Kili's head bolted upwards when he heard an unexpected voice.

'Yeah…'


	8. Chapter 8

Fili couldn't sleep that night. Even though his brother assured the whole company, that Elves are no danger to them, he still had his doubts. He tried to shake that feeling off, but so many things have happended lately, that he was unable to hold it in. He decided to go to Kili. Again. Talk to him, again. He watched his brother closely and, even tho they weren't very close, he could tell something was wrong.

… _ **IN THE MEANTIME…**_

Kili layed on the bed with his eyes closed. He didn't want to remember the situation, which made him and Thrandiul that close. Somehow, they both felt the same kind of trust in each other, somehow they knew one won't let another down. Yet, both of them could have sworn there was much more to it. It was almost as if what happened was planned, to make them owe each other so much, they would have to rely on one another. That assasination-like –

Knock on the door.

'Who is it?' Kili sat up on the bed and hoped it won't be the red-haired elf maid.

'It's Fili. I want to talk.'

Kili sighed. 'Fili, now is not the best time'.

'When will it be then? I know you still don't want me in your heart but I want to change that. I am trying to restore and strengthen the bond between us. But… I can't be the only one who tries.. If you –'

'Just get in. If you're not leaving, we might as well talk without a wall between us'

Fili entered Kili's room and gasped.

'Kili, why is there so much blood?'

Kili was taken aback by that, he looked around and the most confused look appeared on his face.

'What do you mean? There is no blood!'

Suddenly his vision blurred for a second and when it came back, he didn't see his brother standing in front of him, in his place there was some elf-maid who Kili didn't recognise.

'We cannot do that, the King will find out! And let me secure that wound before it gets infected.'

'Are you scared of him?' Kili felt words escaping his lips, but the voice he heard did not belong to him. He could feel his face scowling and his body starting to move but he had no control over that. 'Terrible things will happen if he keeps on taking driads in! You know that, Iries saw it in her vision. It's just a matter of time –'

'I know, Falcard, I know!' she-elf cried. 'But I cannot do what you ask. I know I swore, I know that… Yet, none of you ever mentioned my duties might require betraying my King!'

'He doesn't know what he's doing! Feer, listen-' Kili took elf-maid's hands in his. '- we live in desperate times, in order for this world to be saved, we must stop Thranduil from taking draids in. I am not saying he is a bad person, you know I owe him my life, but –'

Kili felt as if his head was exploding, he heard loud screams and no matter how much he tried to block them out, they kept on getting louder.

'KILI, KILI, WAKE UP!' suddenly he saw his brother. Fili was kneeling beside him, keeping his brother's head in his hands and staring into his eyes.

'Stop it. Hey, I said quit it' right after Kili managed to unglue Fili's palms from his face, his body fell to the floor.

'Shit! That's why you shouldn't have done that.' Fili pulled his brother into sitting position and rested him on the side of the bed.

'Are you alright? What has happened?'

'I think… I guess I should be the one to ask you that second question' Kili groaned. 'So, what has happened?'

'You fainted. And you got so cold. I… I though you were having some kind of attack, beacuse you started shaking uncontrollably. And then you stopped and got so still. And you stopped breathing. I wanted to get help but then you woke up' Kili saw his brother's body shaking slightly and regretted letting him inside. If only he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have to explain himself to anobody. _Let alone the fact that I myself have no idea what had just happened to me._

'Kili, talk to me. Right now.' Fili's strong grip on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

'Fili-'

'And do not lie. I know I don't deserve your honesty… Nevertheless, I ask for it. I apologise for that, but I won't back down.'

'Mahal, stop with being so official' Kili panted. 'I don't know what happend just now. Altough, I assure you, it was one-time event. So let it go.'

'You mean, let YOU go. I won't, not anymore.'

'You don't have to interpret my own words, you know. I'm quite straight-forward, non-metaphorically speaking person.'

Fili sat back, facing his brother and not taking his eyes off him.

'So tell me, why did you leave us, hm? If you were so straight-forward, I wouldn't have to ask you that question hunderds of times.'

'I told you, that it is non of your business.' Kili stared back at Fili.

'For the hundreth time, it is! It's family business, Kili, and since we are family I am allowed to know why my brother decided to leave me one day! Why he decided to forget about us, force Mom and Uncle to come u[ with some stupid gossip to quiet curious people around! I have lost my brother for over 20 years! I have been thinking, where the hell could you be, why I do not hear from you! I thought you died… I though you were taken… by Orcs… or something like that… I had no idea wheteher you were still alive…' tears were streaming down Fili's face, his expression raw with crushing emotions. For the first time in a very long time, Kili felt sick. Seeing his older brother, so worshipped by his elders, broken in front of him, looking so much older than he actually was, yet acting like a hurt child. He reached his hand out to touch him but stopped. After all those years, he still couldn't show him affection, brotherly love. He still couldn't let go. _**This kind of wound leaves a scar. Inner conflict is only natural.**_ Kili gritted his teeth. _Leave._ _ **I am with you all the time. I thought it would be a good time to soothe you and, maybe, take a piece of your burden of your shoulders, help you understand why you are feeling, how your feeling.**_

'GO AWAY, LEAVE ME ALONE!' Kili covered his ears with his hands.

'Did I – Did I do this to you, brother?' Kili looked up. Right away, he wished he hadn't. _No, no I didn't mean you._

He tried to speak, but no words escaped his lips. He was just opening and closing his mouth.

'I am sorry. Yet again I learn, that I shouldn't have pushed you so much. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. You said it loud and clear but I didn't listen… I now understand why you left us…' Fili hung his head in shame and sorrow. 'I will leave you alone, I promise'.

If only Kili could form his feelings into words.

If only Kili could open up to somebody.

If only Fili had looked at Kili one more time.

If only Fili kept on pushing a little more.

They both wouldn't have been hurt and broken. They might've even started to rebuild their bond. Rebuild it stronger that it has ever been. They might have had a happier sad ending.

Fili came back to his room. He closed the door behind himself and looked around. When was the moment that he started losing Kili? He was always trying to prove himself to Thorin, he felt a lot of pressure because of being the one that will one day take over Thorin as a leader. He knew his main focus needs to be studying and combat. He had to be the best in everything, he couldn't be a second-place dwarf. Always aiming for being on the top. That's why he envied Kili. His brother could do whatever he wanted. He wasn't good at anything, according to Thorin he wasn't suitable for a prince. But why would it matter? He will always be standing by their side, not as a sidekick or someting, but still, the main attention will never be on him. He can be average. He can make mistakes. Fili was so jealous of that. He wanted that freedom. Truthfully, if he could choose, he'd rather be the younger brother.

But thinking of it now… Is it possible, that while he was becoming a better prince he was simultaneously becoming a worse brother? Is it possible, that being second-to-the-throne was the only great title? That he skipped the part of being a brother?

Fili finally moved from the door and sat on a chair by the window. He stared into the night.

He was only hearing praises directed to himself, not once to Kili. Why would he bother, though? If Kili didn't deserve them, then why should he get them? Fili could feel tears streaming down his cheeks. He's never cried that much before. He loved his brother so much. Although, all he could think back then was not to let Thorin down. But in the process…

'Did I abandon him long before he abandoned me?' he whispered.

 _ **...AT THE SAME TIME…**_

Kili was breathing heavily, at some point glad that Fili left. He didn't want to show him how weak he actually is. His vision blurred and he couldn't catch a breath. Suddenly, he started wheezing and quickly hid his face in his palms, shutting his eyes close. _Come on, calm down. It's okay, you're okay. Do not panic, it is all under -_.

'Humpf!' he whimpered and opened his eyes wide, looking around thorugh his fingers. 'In. Out. Argh!' he hid his face again.' I - can make i- it… I…' he blinked rapidly, still unable to catch a solid breath and felt himslef slipping away, as his vision blacked on the corners.

 _ **I told you. Manual activation is dangerous for you.**_ Kili could hear His voice in his head as he pulled his hair and rubbed his face, still trying to take control of his breathing. _**I did not know you used to suffer from panic attacks…**_

 _ **Look up, Kili. Take my hand.**_ Kili looked ahead and saw a light, tall figure reaching to him. His messy mind allowed him to make that small motion of reaching his arm out. _**Calm down. Inhale. Exhale.**_ Kili could feel his inner panic decrease. After few moments, he managed to calm down enough to be able to breathe slower, not rapidly. He looked up at the glowing figure.

'Thank you.' He barely whispered.

 _ **Poor child. What has the world done to you.**_ He disappeared.

Kili took few more deep breaths and slowly got up. He was still dizzy but managed to reach the basin in his room. He looked in the mirror.

 _I am such a mess._ He was wet with sweat and his skin was paler then usual. He turned the tap on and looked at the streaming water.

 _I deserve it. I deserve all of it. Fili tries so hard to get to me and I only act like an asshole. I can't… talk to him. I can't tell him about my panic attacks… I haven't told anybody._

'They stopped.' He whispered 'They stopped few years ago, so why did I just… Why are they back' he gripped the sink so hard his finger tips turned white.

 _I can't go on like that. I can't ruin everything around me. I want it all to stop._

He splashed cold water onto his face and looked into the mirror again.

'Why-' he sobbed. 'Why can't I just be gone?'

 _ **Beacuse, you have a mission.**_ Kili raised his head.

'Just leave me alone…' he begged quietly.

 _ **You know I cannot. You took the Protector. I am bound to it.**_

Kili slid down the wall and hugged his knees.

'I know, but I need some time alone. All alone. Your eternal presence is driving me crazy.'

 _ **I know. I want you to know, that I am deeply sorry.**_

'Why would you be? It's you divine responsibility, after all' he weakly responded.

 _ **It pains me to see how you are suffering. I know that this power is draining you out. You, humans, may think we have no emotions. That is not true. We feel your sorrow, pain, we also share your happiness. Yet, we cannot help everytime you are in need. Such is life. Us giving you powres like the one you are wielding is the most we can do for your kind.**_

'I am not judging you, you know. Who am I to do that…' Kili scoffed.

 _ **I just wanted you to know, that we are not passive. Nevertheless, we do not make people good or evil, it is their choice. Otherwise, we would not be able to say, we gave you free will. Your own actions create yourself and others among you. That way you are not mere copies of one another. Saying that, I want you to remember, that you cannot entirely rely on us. Those who do, live a life full of illusions, thinking all the good that happens is because of us. They do not give themselves enough credit for creating their own self.**_

'So, you wanted to say, that whoever I've become is my own responsibility, people around me also had an influence on my personality… But you are not to blame for any bad things that happened. Or, for that matter, not to be praised for any good? Sounds passive to me. How many people do you think these magical powers you send to us will help out? Also, how many do you think will suffer more because of them? They are not helping, they make people pick sides, fight for that power… Your divine helpers, are as good as an innovative weapon. They may silence one conflict, but they will certainly lead to another, maybe even bigger one.' Kili shook his head 'You are not passive, not entirely. But you should change your strategy of helping.'

 _ **If I were some wrathful god, I would have burned you right now for such impudence. Fortunately for you, I tend to listen.**_

'I know my words won't change anything. Like I've said, who am I to tell you what to do? I can't even deal with my own shit, yet I scold a god.' Kili laughed bitterly.

 _ **This conversation is over, for it will lead nowhere. I shall leave you now, Kili. And remember, I do feel for you.**_

'Wait! I just rememberd something. I had this weird some kind of… vision? I don't know, it was just so odd. The whole world disappeared and I was sudenly some other person…'

 _ **This is one of the side effects I told you about before I forcefully activated your power.**_

'One of? Do you know what else is it going to be?'

 _ **The comeback of your panic attacks, for instance.**_

'And how long will it go on?'

'Kili?! Who are you talking to?! Come, there's breakfast downstairs, elves are calling us all!' Kili jumped at that loud call outside his door, internally thanking that Bofur decided not get in. Also, breakfast? So it's morning already.

'Coming right away!' he called back with a hoarse voice.

 _ **I guess you should switch back to talking to me in your thoughts.**_

 _Or else they'll think that I'm crazy, huh…_


	9. Chapter 9

_**...SOME LONG TIME AGO…**_

'He is mad!'

'You are aware of the fact that it is your King you're speaking of?'

'Well, I'd rather have somebody who can think clearly as the king, not him…'

'So, what do you propose we do?'

Falcard looked at each and every elf that came to his secret meeting. He knew asking them what he was about to ask, would mean high treason and death to them all.

'We should show him, what he can't see.'

'And what is that exactly? Or rather, how are you planning on doing that? How can we make Thranduil see how far he's gone from being sane?' asked Feer.

'We show him how blinded he is. By assaulting the only preson he holds dear. His wife.' Answered Falcard seriously.

'ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?'

'YOU'RE ASKING US TO COMMIT A GRAVE ACT OF TREASON!'

'YOU'VE GONE MAD AS WELL'

Falcard decided to wait until everything they wanted to say, will be said. He knew how insane he sounded, but honestly, he had a life in Wood Realm as well. He had a beautiful wife and a lovely child, he wanted to live with them until the death does them part. But. There's been that 'but' since the day his King forced them to hunt driads and not tell them about the reason for it. He's been this misterious even to his own married wife, which to Falcard was an act of selfishness or even betrayal, for he's always believed there shouldn't be these kind of secrets in marriage. Yet, King's wife seemed to be puzzled and confused every time she was asked not to ask questions or even angry when excluded from the Realms affairs. She clearly was concerned but decided to keep it as it is, at least for now.

'So, give us a good reason why we should assault King's wife!'

'Her being in danger may be the only thing that could break Thranduil out of this trance. If he is to believe she was captivated by driads, he may actually see that his acts are being ridiculous and dangerous to us. The disappearances of his man aren't enough, apparently.'

He was met with silnce as all elves in the room were considering their options and really letting his arguments sink in.

'I will do it.'

All eyed turned to Feer, as she stood there, determination in her eyes.

'If you have a good plan, I may consider being in on it as well.'

'I agree, tell us your plan before we decide!'

Falcard looked around again to weight his chances in convincing them.

'Fine. Here's how it's going to be…'

… _ **SOME TIME AGO BUT NOT AS LONG AS BEFORE…**_

'Archer?'

'Yes, sir. He is really good. If you don't mind, I'd like him in my troops. For the first time just to test him out. Should he be useful, I'd ask to put him in my army for indefinite amount of time.' Legolas kneeld in front of his father. He was determined to keep the dwarf in his party. He knew his father's approach to that particular race but sometimes it's better to over look some prejudices in order to gain a skilled warrior.

'You are fully aware of his race?' Thranduil's cold blue eyes pierced Legolas.

'Yes, Father.'

'Fine then, he is your responisibility now.'

Legolas was taken aback by that quick agreement but decided not to push his luck, at least not today.

'Thank you, sir.'

The prince walked off straight to his new soldier. He was still a little bit stressed and unsure of his decidion but decided to push those thoughts aside, for what he thought will be a greater good.

'Hello, Prince.'

'Armour up. We have a mission to attend.'

Kili slowly raised to his feet from the floor and stared at Legolas with whimsical eyes.

'In no way I am to believe Thranduil actually approved your idea.'

'Do not push your luck.' Legolas gave him a cold stare and turned on his heel, ready to walk out.

'Prince!' blonde-haired elf looked over his shoulder at the dwarf 'don't think I'm ungrateful or that I don't feel honoured. It's just that… I can't seem to stop thinking of a reason why you wanted me in so badly.' Kili smirked and tipped his head to the left.

'I think I've made a grave mistake…' sighed Legolas.

'Worry not, I'll take any arrow for ya!' Kili jumed to Legolas and swung his arm around the young prince.

Even though he tried, Legolas couldn't stop himself from smiling at that statement. He rolled his eyes.

'I'm pretty sure you'll put one in me yourself.'

'Unless you become less annoying, that's gonna happen.'

Kili got a kick to the side and an irritated look.

'You let yourself speak too much, you know. It is going to get you killed one day.'

'Heard it many times, yet I'm still here!' Kili gave Legolas the brightes smile he could.

'Annoying. Let's go.'

And so the Prince of the Wooden Realm and a disowned Prince from the line of Durin both walked down to the place of the meeting, talking with each other like the good friends they never admitted to be.

'Guards!'

Kili looked in the direction of the scream as he felt Legolas fall onto his leg.

'Shit! Legolas! Wake the fuck up!' desperate to bring the Prince back to counsiousnes, he didn't notice people slowly walking towards him. As he looked up, he saw a group of, who he figured were, elf traitors.

'I am here to finish what my father was never able to do. I will free the elves from Thranduils madness.' said the one who was standng in the front of the group as he pointed an arrow between Kili's eyes. 'Move or you will die, too.'

… _ **NOW…**_

Kili had those memories run through his head all the way down to the dining room. He was walking down the very last stairs that led to the room he was heading to as he was caught by the sleeve. He turned to see a red-haired elfmaid stare at him.

'Well hello. You didn't mention you will be passing by or even visiting. Where are your manners?'

'Tauriel…' Kili cursed himself for not walking faster.

'I think you should leave as soon as possible. The stars don't shine as bright when dwarves are here.' She looked down at him and scoffed 'Why am I even telling you this. You should already know that wherever you are, you only bring bad luck with you.'

'We won't be here long, don't worry.' Kili yanked his sleeve from her hands and gave her a sly look 'But that's not because of my bad luck. It's beacuse I can feel your uslessness everywhere. Makes me feel like a failure, I guess that's your too big of an ego sucking my soul out.'

'If I were more useless then you are, I wouldn't even be able to braid my hair without injuring myself and people around!' she turned red as she shouted those words.

'See, some people look away when they talk shit. You on the other hand are trying to turn the same colour as your red hair. Is that your new camouflage skill? You actually training something useful?' he gave her a daring look.

'You almost got my –'

'Kili, come on in! I can hear you talking, so please, do attend the breakfast before it's all cleand up.' Alsatir sticked his head out of the dining room only to see a red elfmaid and pissed Kili giving each other deadly stares.

'Coming right up.' He gave Tauriel one last vicious smile before turning on his heel and walking away.

'I should have just let you bleed out that day.' She said with disadin.

Kili stopped and looked over his shoulder.

'I agree.'

She seemed a little surprised with his answer but then just sighed and kept walking.

'I didn't mean it…' she whispered to herself.

….

Kili entered the dining room and sat between Ori and Bongin.

'I am telling you, it was huge! Came storming at me and I killed it with just one swing!' Floin was telling a story of how he defeated a troll when he took his horse when he was out, scouting.

'I bet you're just making it all up!' shouted Dwalin.

'I swear I'm not!'

'Bullshit!'

'Brother, behave, please.' Whispered Balin, a little concerned of what great stories his brother is going to boast about just to win the battle of 'I've fought the strongest oponent and defeated it with a flick to the nose'.

'Hi, Kili.' Said Ori, still a bit shy and uneasy around his long–lost–just-found friend.

'Heeeey' Kili yawned.

'What were the two of you doing? I mean you and Fili?' asked Nori, which caused both brothers to look at him with wide eyes 'You both are sleepy, so I guess there was something interesting to do at night, right?' he smiled stupidly and earned a kick to the foot from Dori.

'Nah, I just don't feel like sleeping in a place that I don't know.' replied Fili with a smile and looked at Kili who seemed to be already more concerned with food than Nori's question.

The dwarves were quite loud, which made elves who were passing by stop and stare for a while, only to sigh or roll their eyes and go on walking. Thorin was quiet almost all the time, casting a look at every dwarf by the table, he seemed to be cosnidering something or just judging their behaviour, not neceserially to scold them for misbehaving but rather to see, how the two companies are getting along. When his eyes rested on Fili, he noticed how withdrawn he was.

'Nephew, is everyting alright?' he asked him after they left the room.

'Yeah , I guess.' After a while he added 'I think... Don't be mad at me! But I think we should talk with Kili, just the three of us.' He looked at his uncle thrying to read his expression and prepare for and outburst. That's why his words surprised the blonde.

'I can't argue with that, not anymore.' Fili felt uncertain and confused which must have been visible on his face, cause Thorin added 'I need us to talk. We can't go on like that. I may not be satisfied that he's back, but still.'

'You are not satisfied?'

Throrin realised the weight of his words seconds after those words escaped his lips. Though, it was those few seconds too late.

'Your own blood, your fucking nephew who you disowned is back, alive and moderately alright, yet you say this is not satisfying? What the hell, Uncle?! If our talk is to contain you discouraging him to keep travelling with us or making him feel bad about himself, I'd rather have you rethink that idea!I want him back, Uncle! I want mu brother back! I can't seem to get to him, cause he doesn't trust me nor does he think od me as his brother, but I don't care! After what I've seen yesterday, I know that I have to be by his side and make him realise how much I fucking care!' Fili tried to calm himself down after that outburst only to be more put off by a hand on his shoulder.

'What?!' he shook it off and looked at the person who was behind him.

'Calm down, this is not the place to shout around about what bugs your ass.'

Kili was staring in his blue orbits with stone-cold brown eyes. He seemed calm but his hands were slightly shaking. He put his lips to Fili ear and whispered.

'I do not wish for anybody to know what happend to me tonight.' He hissed.

He straightened himself and sighed.

'Let's meet in Fili's room in an hour, if you want to talk. Fili, I expect you to be there, as for you' Kili gave Thorin a side glance 'you come too, even just to growl at my words. We'll all feel less burdened if we have this conversation.'

He started walking away but before he was completely out of their hearing range he added 'we should leave Mirkwood as soon as possible.'

Fili and Thorin looked at each other. Despite Oakenshield's bias, he couldn't shake off the feeling of anxiety crawilng up his spine. The kid knows more that he says and he decided he will find out what it is exactly.

…

Kili entered his room and sighed.

'I need to clean this mess up.'

He obviously spoke of himself not the room. His hair was tangled up and he needed to do something about his tired eyes as well. He walked to the mirror only to suddenly jump away from it.

'What the fuck?!' he shouted.

It wasn't his expression that was looking at him from the mirror. It was an elf.

He closed the distance between them and suspicously eyed the object. When he decided that it's most likely not affected by any elven magic, he looked back at the face he saw there only to find it gone.

'The check was that, huh?' Kili hoped He would answer him but no, He only replied when He wanted. _Right, whenever I need something he's out of the reach but I am always there when he wants. Well, he's in my head after all, I can't just ignore him or he'd drive me mad. More mad._

Kili looked in the mirror again. He could see something in the corner of the room, thinking it was just a shadow he turned around, only to notice, that the shadow actually is standing there.

'Who the fuck are you?' he cautiously asked, trying not to sound to agressive. _Well, I could have spared the curse._

'Hee…' Kili walked closer.

'Hhhh…' now he was just inches apart.

'HELP MEEE!' the shadow lammed itself onto Kili. The brown-haired dwarf was knocked off his feet and hit the wall far behind him. It felt as if some strong wind pushed him and filled his lungs with smoke, like from a fire.

Kili was desperately gasping for breath, choking on the invisible smoke. He started coughing, short on breath. The world started spinning around him as he was more and more franticly drawing breaths.

All of the sudden, he could breathe freely, the burning feeling in his lungs started to die out as he pushed himself up.

'I – I can't take it anymore, I'm going fucking crazy!' he screamed.

'Kili, would you mind paying me a visit? In the throne room.' Kili heard Thranduil's voice, he spun around to make sure it was just in his head and the King didn't stand there, staring at Kili's pitiful condition.

'This… This is a little bit too much, really' he panted.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hi there. I'm sorry that the chapters aren't coming out regullary but work calls my name and doesn't let me think enough about what to do with the story next, what to reveal in it etc. Anyways, I hope that, despite the chapters not being published frequently, you will stick to the story. Wait until we get to Erebor. I've been dreaming of those chapters and, although, many things will probably change on our way there, cause, you know, if an inspiration comes I can't just ignore it in order to stick to what I've thought of first, sooo despite that I can assure you, they are worth waiting for. I don't want to push this story too fast, so I can't tell how long will it take me to get there. Just be patient with me, for I'm a very difficult person hah. And an even more difficult author. Okey, let's end this chaotic author's notice aaaand…**_

… _ **..**_

Kili run in hurry to the throne room, after all he had to finish his conversation with Thranduil in less than an hour to go to have, yet another nice, talk with his kin. As he was walking, he was looking around, everything seemed to be the same as last time he was here. He stood before the thick, wood – carved door and wondered what could Thranduil want from him, everything they've done seemed to had been setteled before he has left Mirkowood years ago, still, he had an uneasy feeling that the King wouldn't have called him, especially not through his mind, if the bussines wasn't at least a little more serious than just a 'how have you been?'. He took a big, steadying breath and knocked on the only barrier that was still parting him from Thranduil.

'Come in.'

He pushed the heavy door to find Thranduil alone, sitting on his throne with legs crossed. He looked as majestic as always in his white coat which shone almost as if it was made of the stars elves were talking about all the time. His cold gaze fell upon Kili and he couldn't stop himself from thinking how astonishingly powerful that stare is, he felt almost as if Thranduil's eyes were scouting his soul and reading his thoughts. _That's the most fearful and respected stare of every king I know, trully. Yuck._

'So we meet again, Kili.' Thranduil stood up and slowly started to walk up to Kili. 'I find it neccesary of you to tell me about the reason why you came to my Realm –' he stopped and slightly tilted his head to the side 'with a company.'

'First of, let me thank you for your hospitality' Kili gave a small bow.

'Oh, please.' Thranduil's hand showed Kili the direction they were to walk to 'Let's leave all the officials for Thorin Oakenshield when he comes to me. You and I have a different history that, I believe, does mean we will help each other out without a blink of an eye.' King smiled at Kili but he's eyes remained cold.

'I am not sure what you will hear from him but I can't be sure it will be a thank you…' _whoops, shit._ Kili knew he should have bitten his tongue, but, he recognised, that will take him longer than a few days.

At that statement, Thranduil looked over at Kili with a little bit warmer eyes and even managed to smile with one corner of his lips.

'You still hold the grudge. I see. That makes me even more eager to know the reason for your visit. I suspect that may involve one mountain…'

Kili sighed. _What exactly am I supposed to tell him?_

'By your reaction I can tell, I am not wrong.' They stepped into one of the King's private rooms, where they coludn't be heard, for a powerful elven magic was blocking everything. The chamber was very light, in one of its corners stood a vase in which, as far as Kili knew, was a mixture that didn't allow you to tell lies. That worried him.

Thranduil must have seen his eyes wander to it, for he reasurred him.

'I do not intend to have you drink it. I trust you will be honest with me. Now, let's go to the part, where you tell me about your destination. And your motives. As far as I'm concerned, you do not hold your family too dear, so why risk?' he turned to face Kili fully.

'We are going to Erebor, that is correct.' Thranduil scoffed lightly but allowed the dwarf to continue 'I am with them… Because…' he paused. _Why am I with them? To rebound? Reunite with my so – called family? Should I take that big of a risk?_

'I see.' Thranduil touched ligtly Kili's shoulder with his cold hands. 'If you do not have a good reason, why do it? Have you given it a thought? Or maybe you are too blind to see what is the exact reason?' he lowered himself, their faces were now just inches apart.

'I, I wonder…' Kili tried to look away from stone - cold eyes which bored into his own.

'He told you, didn't He?' Thranduil still hasn't backed out and kept on pushing Kili to his control limits.

'For fuck's sake!' Kili took a step aside and run his hand through his hair.

'Do not be like that.' Thranduil smiled viciously.' You may have proven yourself back in the day but that doesn't mean I trust you fully. Besides, to have a reckless dwarf like yourself bear such a power…' he shook his head.' You're just too easy to break, anger.'

'You know I didn't ask for it!' Kili felt panic rise in him again. _No, fucking no! Not now, stop. Breathe in, breathe out. Control goddamnit._

'I know I wanted it. Yet, He chose you.' Thranduil grimaced. He raised his hand and Kili felt as if no air was being inhaled into his lungs.

'Wha – what r' you doin'' he gasped.

'You should stay with us. I know how to handle your power. You are just wandering in the dark, so, let me help you.'

'Fuuc you –' Kili felt his lungs were burning without air but he couldn't give up. _I won't be his puppet. NEVER!_

'You are so stubborn. Like every dwarf.' Thranduil released him. Kili coughed as blissful air entered his lungs again. He looked at the King, eyes filled with shock and burning rage.

'I may be stubborn –' he breathed '- but I still am the owner of the Protector and you can't do anything, ANYTHING, about it! You were willing to sacrifise your own son for it! Even if you got it, it won't stay with such person!'

'As far as I know, you also sacrifised somebody for it.' Tharanduil smiled maliciously.

'It was different!' Kili desperately screamed. 'I didn't have a choice! She wasn't my fucking daughter!' Thranduil laughed humourlessly.

… _ **8 YEARS AGO…**_

 _It was dark. It was cold. His friends were taken by Orcs, so he was all alone in the cell. Suddenly, he heard his name._

' _Kili. We decided to have some fun today. Why not come with us, ey?' Mourdres growled at him, definetely satisfied with their plans for Kili._

' _I'm eager to try' Kili smiled bitterly and let the Orcs lead him to wherever they wanted to take him. When they missed all the doors to torture rooms, he felt more uneasy, stressed even. What good can it mean to him, if he was to be a part of a new 'fun game'? Well, no good at all, obviously._

 _He was lead through a recess and into some kind of arena. He looked around and noticed Orcs standing all around the place. They were screaming and laughing, pointing their filthy fingers in Kili's direction. Then, they heard a smash and there she stood. A human girl, approximetely 14 years old. She was very skinny, dirty and looked extremely scared. Her light blue eyes reminded him of his brother's and so did her blonde hair, which looked almost gray because of the dried mud in them._

' _Now, let the fun begin!' Balgorg shouted and other Orcs replied with disgusting cheer._

' _You will be given one knife. And only one of you can leave the cage alive. I think we understand each other.' The Orc smiled at them, showing his sharp teeth. 'We shall feast today! We will see who will be our dessert.'_

 _A kinfe was dropped in the center of the cage. Kili eyed it but quickly turned his gaze back to the girl, wondering what is she going to do. She was still looking around, shaking. When their eyes met, Kili felt weird, as if those weren't the eyes of a gir who stood in there anymore._

 _Sudddenly, she ran to the knife, so Kili rapidly decided to do the same. His instincts pushed him forward but his mind was telling him to let the girl grab the weapon. A the same time, he couldn't forget her eyes from a while._

' _You shall die' he heard her whisper into his ear. How the fuck did she get there, just moments ago she was still running toward the knife and now she was trying to put it in Kili's side. He managed to avoid the blow but the girl was altready jumping onto him while brandishing the knife around._

 _He felt the need to stop her, he felt desperate to live._

' _Despite you being a just little girl…' he whispered._

 _That's when he felt enormous pain in his thigh. She managed to stab him and he wasn't able to tell when it happened. She seemed to be moving at the speed of light, like a monster or a demon._

' _But you're just a girl, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ABLE TO MOVE LIKE THAT?!' he exclaimed. As the blood was dripping from his wound he finally realised, in order to survive he has to kill her. He wasn't able to give his life away just now. Not fucking now. Not when they were about to finalize the escape plan. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel and was willing to do anything to reach it. Anything._

 _With that thought he heard a voice in his head. It was faint, but he felt as if it was telling him how to move, away from where the girl will strike, how to take the knife away from her._

 _From that moment, the whole fight was a blur to him. When he finally came back to his senses, he was knelling on the girl and.._

' _Fuck! Shit! What the –'_

' _We have a winner!' growled Mourdres._

' _You – I -, what… How… I didn't do that…'_

 _ **Yes, you did. Well done, you shall be the heir.**_

' _What?! What did you say, an heir?!' Kili was scuffling in the Orcs grip._

' _He's gone mad, y'all!' shouted Balgrog. It was met with a loud burst of laugh as the Orcs were cheering for, what he managed to catch from their words, an extremely wild fight._

 _He was thrown into his cage where his friends were alredy sitting. He was so flabbergasted that his friends words didn't reach him for a while. When he managed to snap out of this trance, he looked at their concerned faces._

' _Kili, where were you? What's happened?' asked franticly Bongin._

' _They –' Kili paused. He can't tell them. Somehow he felt like if he did, he will lose. He didn't understand that, he didn't know what or how he would lose, he just knew it was about something valuable. ' They have found a new way of torturing me. No biggie.' Were the only things he's said._

 _Since that day, he hasn't told anybody about what really happened. Not until Thranduil' truth serum's helped him spill the truth. The truth about that kill and what it meant._

… _ **NOW…**_

'You are right. She was just an innocent girl.' The King waved his hand 'I am sorry. Let's forget about that conversation and not leave any distaste between us.' He started to walk towards the door.

'Right. But mark my words. The next time your son will be in grave danger, I will save him only to tell him the truth about his rotten father.' Kili spat.

'Good luck with that, my friend.' He waved his hand at Kili and walked out.

Kili stood there alone for a moment until he realized he was to meet with his kins. He didn't feel like it after Thranduil but a promise is a promise.

Kili was so dazed he didn' notice the same shadow, which he saw in his room earlier that day, lurking behind him. It's eyes walked Kili out of the room.

'Will he help me?' asked the shadow the air in front of him and disappeared.

…..

Kili made his way straight to his brother's room, he wasn't sure whether he was already late or will he come too early, he lost track of time.

'Come in!' replied Fili to the knock on his door. 'Ah, Kili, you're just in time.'

Kili looked at his brother with tired eyes. _I really am not in the right mindset for it._ He sat on a chair and rested his head in his palm, side – loooking at Fili.

'It may ba a stupid question, but are you okay?' asked Fili.

'Sure, as always.'

'Good, because we really have a lot to talk about.' He straightened himself at the sound of Thorin's voice. He didn't even notice his uncle sitting on the other side of the table. _Shit, I need to pull myself together._


End file.
